Feeling shitty...

I've been sick last night and all day today...diarrhea that turned into a really bad stomach ache...flu...virus...I don't know...I just know it's had me out all day today...

I'm feeling better so I can go back to work tomorrow, hopefully...

Also made some peace, today, which various pressures -- financial, especially -- that different folks have tried to apply with me...

I just don't care any more...I can only do my best...and if that turns out to not be enough...then so be it...

I'm not going to live the rest of my life afraid of what pressures -- financial and otherwise -- that people are going to put on me...I'm learning to just ignore them...and do my best...and get away from folks who play that way with me, from now on...until they can learn to play nice...and if they can't learn to play nice...then I'll just avoid them altogether...

Playing on folks' cowardice and insecurities is no way to run a country...or a world...or a business...or a school...or a family...or whatever...

It is a way to alienate people...and to lose peoples' trust...which I've had to learn the hard way...as much as internalizing the principle, today...

So that was really good...learning to tell folks to fuck off...until they can learn to play nice...and not being terribly upset about it, any more, in the meantime...

Before I was always concerned with how others reacted...

And now I just don't care...

If I trust you, I'll be more honest with you...

And if I don't, I won't...

And that's really the saddest tragedy of all, I think...

People who have no clue how others think about them...

Because they've scared everyone out of telling them...

And that is it's own worst punishment, I think...

Or people who spend their whole lives afraid of what others think about them...that's almost more pathetic, I think:):)...

I've met people like this...I have many friends who live like that...and I can't possibly imagine living like that...it's just such a sad, pathetic way to live...it's a life of no self-respect...either way...

And dealing with how people think and feel about you honestly is a painful way to live, sometimes...but it's the kind of pain that's good for you...and trying to avoid it all the time is a recipe for a sad life that just isn't real...but noone cares about you enough to tell you that...

I'm gonna try to sleep...and get over this stomach flu or whatever it is that I have...and hopefully be able to work in the morning:):)...

Have a good day, everyone:):):)...

Love,
Ben