Finding a hero...

At the risk of sounding sentimental, I've decided to tell you about someone who became something of a hero for me, tonight...

I have a student that I just discovered, tonight, may be dying...

He's got a rare disease which the majority of kids who suffer with it don't make it to adulthood...I looked up the disease, tonight, but I don't want to name it out of respect for this kid and his privacy...but the bottom-line is that according to his mom, who tells me this without self-pity, he may or not make it into adulthood...

He's a really great kid...he's one of my favorite kids, actually...

He's goth...he's got a band...he loves the guitar and dreams of being a rock star...

He struggles with reading and is on my special education caseload...

But I really like this kid a lot...he's tries really hard and is really respectful with adults...he's just a really great kid...

And he may die before he reaches 18...

And I spent about a half hour, tonight, just talking with his mom about it...she's such a sweety...and I just can't even imagine being in her shoes...knowing that your son could be gone at any moment...

Up till now, the biggest tragedy in my life has been losing Brandi...but I can't quite imagine what it would be like to lose a child and I can't even imagine how tragic this kid's life might be (I've been balling just trying to comprehend the unfairness of this situation for this kid)...

And you know what the crazy thing is?

Most of my kids (and most adults) totally take their lives for granted...

So few of them have any serious dreams or plans for their future...and so many adults have so many opportunities to pursue dreams that they never pursue...

And here is this kid, who knows that the odds are against him making it to adulthood, still dreams of being a rock star...

Most people give up on dreams and most kids I work with never really formulate them seriously...

And this kid who doesn't know how long he's going to be with us talks with me about music he writes, how his band is trying to learn a beat, and I talk with him about bands to listen for to learn to keep a beat...bands that are percussion driven, like AC/DC and White Stripes...and today I was telling him about David Byrne's version of Don't Fence Me In on the Red, Hot and Blue album I was listening to this weekend with all this incredible diversity of creative percussion...

I really like this kid a lot...he's a really good kid and he's really laid back and the fact that he's not the smartest kid doesn't even really occur to me because we spend all of our time talking about music...

And then I just found out tonight that he may die...

I don't want to sound like a total sap...but I can't stop balling, tonight...it's just so sad that a kid this young and this decent may not make it...but that he's just decided that he's gonna be a rock star anyway...it's too goddamn sweet...

And if you saw this kid in his goth gear and his anagrams and his love for Slipknot...you just wouldn't normally think, "Sweet kid"...but he is...and I know a lot of teachers may be put off by all the gear...but I just remember a million friends from school who dressed, looked, acted the same...and, generally, they just wanted to be loved and accepted for who they are...

It's so sweet to watch this kid and his girlfriend hug in the hallways between class...you can tell that they're just kids...they're just kids...and no matter what the gear, they're just kids like I was at that age...fairly innocent, I imagine...and just wanting to be loved and accepted for who they are...

And I just feel, in a really mentor-like way, like this kid is my kid...and I just can't imagine what it must be like for his mom...everything they've gone through on this...his mom having to come to terms with the fact that her son may die before he reaches adulthood...and this kid having to deal with the fact of death as well a kid ever could...

I had two friends die in junior high...but it never occured to me just how sad their deaths must have been for their parents who looked forward to long lives and seeing their kids off and having them pursue big dreams and having all of that fall apart...one of my friends, like this friend, was a really sweet kid, too...he was really well liked by all of our friends in junior high...and as kids you just can't quite fathom how tragic it must be for parents who lose a child...

This kid and I, as far as I'm concerned, at least, will not be acting like he's going to die, even though his mom says that the odds are against him (you can tell she doesn't live like that, either, to her credit)...

But I'm also realistic...

So...my plan is to see if maybe we can get him some kind of rock concert before he's 18...I've built a relationship with the instrumental music teacher...and we've even talked about this kid, together...and I'm his advocate...and the kid is sweet to me...so I plan on being super-advocate for this kid...

I want to see if we can get him an opportunity to play his guitar in a public performance -- see if we can give him the opportunity to be a rock star for a day, if he's interested -- at a point at which he might feel comfortable or be interested in something like that...maybe there are groups that might sponsor a kid like this, too, that might help with something like this...he says he's written a couple of instrumental numbers...and I think he ought to get a chance to put on a concert before he's 18...

It's amazing to me that so many of my kids...that so many people...have these amazing opportunities that they totally take for granted to live the lives of their dreams...who don't face terminal diseases...for whom the odds are much more in their favor...and yet who pass up all of those opportunities and give into their fears rather than living into their hopes and dreams...

And then you have this kid...this middle school age kid...who knows that he may not live past adolescence...

And he still has a dream anyway...because you know what...fuck the odds...that's why...

And I'm proud as hell of this kid for giving the finger to the odds and deciding he's going to be a rock star anyway...

I can only hope that all my students learn from that simple but fairly profound example from a middle school student...

The whole thing kind of blows me away, really...

I think I just found my new hero...

Love,
Ben