On forgiveness
As someone looking to do good in the world and be a decent human being, for real, I take forgiveness seriously.
Honestly, I've always been pretty clear that all the talk about the "unforgiveable" was one long excuse for why people do not take the virtue of forgiveness seriously enough. Clearly, there are very painful and difficult traumas that people face all over the world. And forgiveness is most certainly not easy work.
But it is a central virtue in Judeo-Christian and amongst more universal moral values for a reason.
And I never understood why people who did not take such a virtue seriously thought that they should be seriously listened to on important moral matters at all.
Because the truth is that they shouldn't.
This is such a great story, in that vein, on so many different levels.
Acts of Reconciliation
"A couple of weeks ago, the 29-year-old won the top documentary prize at the Student Academy Awards in Los Angeles for "As We Forgive," her film about reconciliation in Rwanda between survivors of the 1994 genocide and its perpetrators. Previous Student Oscar winners include Trey Parker, Bob Saget and Spike Lee.
Hinson's film, begun as an MFA thesis at American University, captures victims' meetings with their freed attackers. A decade after the extermination of one in eight Rwandans, after the Hutus turned on the Tutsis and even some of their own, the two tribes had to learn to live together. (The government has released more than 60,000 convicts connected to the genocide to ease prison overcrowding, according to the BBC.)
In the film we meet Rosaria, who pulls up the hem of her dress to reveal mounds of raised scar tissue running down her legs. Hacked and beaten during the genocide, she now lives in a house built for her by Saveri, the man who killed her sister. Another survivor, Chantale, who lost 30 family members, meets John, the stooped gangly man who killed her father. He can't face her; her eyes are embers. 'Remember all your old neighbors,' she says. Yet the next day, Chantale begins working to build a house for another ex-con who confessed his crimes.
For Hinson, it was proof that the 'transcendent filters through every aspect of life' and also that the world is really messed up...
The story ultimately appealed to Hinson for its reversal of the genre's cliches. Instead of being a tale of African ruin and our reluctance to help, it was a 'tremendously hopeful' picture of people learning to forgive in circumstances, she says, in which we never could. Hinson liked to believe she herself had learned something.
Two weeks after leaving Rwanda, in August 2006, the belief was tested. Her ex-fiance called, 4 1/2 years after their breakup. 'I feel kinda crazy,' she recalls him saying. 'And I still love you.'
Tom is the guy's name. Today he says of the breakup: 'I was just terrified of that level of commitment. I had come from a family that had kind of a bad marriage.'
He reconsiders.
'Ninety percent of it was me just being a very lame guy. A child in a man's body. Just a guy with a lot to learn.'
He visited her a month later. He had gone to a nondenominational seminary in those silent intervening years, studied to become a priest and all the while 'worked with a lot of trauma victims, a lot of people who were recovering from some pretty hard stuff, rape victims.'
'I dealt a lot in the language of forgiveness,' he adds.
Tom had kept the first ring all that time. 'I couldn't get rid of it. It was that weird kind of remote possibility sense that maybe if I ever get my act together...'
He gave it to her, and a second one. He bent down on one knee in the old-fashioned way and asked the question. Not of nuptials, not at first. There was a more pressing matter.
'I said, 'Laura, do you forgive me?' And she said, 'Yes.' And getting married was almost the denouement, the anticlimax.'
Today Tom Hinson and Laura Waters Hinson live in the District, where several documentary companies are based and where he pastors at two Anglican churches. Laura graduated from American last year, and the Student Oscar got her thinking about moving to Los Angeles. 'It depends on what Laura wants to do in her career,' says the man who gave and took away and gave again.
'Our marriage,' she says, 'is built on forgiveness.'"
Desmond Tutu is actually the person who helped me see this more clearly. His work on truth and reconciliation has been so critical in his home country of South Africa, but also all over the world in places as diverse as East Timor and Iraq, to recover, as peoples and as individuals, from the most traumatic circumstances that life has to offer. In fact, such reconciliation efforts are critical to a political resolution of the most serious conflict that America faces today, our war in Iraq.
Recognizing this very important part of the political landscape is one of the many things that persuaded me of the importance of the arguments, coverage, and understanding of the situation by the military historian I regard as the most significant during this Iraq War, Frederick Kagan. Kagan, better than other military historians and those covering the war, understands the politics of the situation in Iraq and the United States and the role that our military efforts play in creating a more sustainable political situation and the way that the politics, in Iraq, America, and around the world, shapes the success or failure of our military efforts in that war.
To not understand the role of reconciliation after major hostilities, especially genocide and ethnic, religious, and other warfare, is to misunderstand the whole enterprise in a very serious way. Kagan's understanding of the role of this process in the situation in Iraq, in substantial ways, not just giving it lip service, was an important reason, among many, convincing me that he was one of the wisest of those offering coverage and advice of the war.
If you have not read Frederick Kagan's exceptional analysis of the situation in Iraq, I highly recommend any of his work on the Weekly Standard website.
Including his most recent piece, which affirms for me my continued commitment to John McCain in the next Presidential election, despite the doubts that have been raised in my mind by some conservatives pressing for an attack on or invasion of Iran.
Voting for Commander in Chief
Much of the problem over the course of this war that President Bush, despite many of his and his apologists' defenses to the contrary, that he misled - which I believe he did - the American people about the reasons for going to war, genuine confidence that he had and that was warranted in those reasons being evidenced and valid, and the degree of seriousness that he gave to legitimate concerns about engaging this war. The President and his apologists can play games with this matter all they might wish. It will not make these matters go away.
And the truth is that what is different about my own thinking on this matter and a substantial number of the Presidents' many detractors- 70% of the American people, by the most recent poll I saw; I really don't give two shits how you try to spin that vis a vis Congress or any or any other evidence of the lack of trust that Americans have in their President, right now, people have got to face up - is that I have forgiven the President his and his Administrations' many, many transgressions. I have not forgotten them. I have no intentions of holding them over his head or trying to nail him for them in any way, at all. In fact, I very much admire the President's commitment to seeing us through to a decent resolution of the situation in Iraq, despite his many mistakes. And I very much care substantially more about what is happening on the ground than I do in grinding any axes whatsoever.
But pretending like this has not seriously undermined our efforts to keep Americans alive, to secure Iraqis, and to promote democracy in this country, makes it more difficult to make the case to the American people that sticking with this war is the right thing to do rather than making it easier.
The President is forgiveable for his mistakes. The 70% of the American people who supported this war, up front, without debating or engaging one another, enough, about how to do it in a way that accounted for the challenges that we have faced in ways that could very well have avoided the thousands of unnecessary deaths of Americans, Iraqis, and others killed in this conflict, each one of them a tragedy, are forgiveable. And, tragically, even these butchers in Rwanda and all over the world are forgiveable for their crimes, (though justice and safety of the Rwandan people, must clearly be served, as well).
They, we, are all forgiveable, because it is the only way to see more clearly our way to a more honest understanding of this conflict and its eventual resolution and of the world and ourselves amidst the emotional clutter that bitterness and petty and even not-so-petty grudges bring. Unresolved feelings, in this vein, do not just plague us with misery until they are resolved. They also blind our vision, as we try to see past the pain in our own hearts that we refuse to acknowledge and make peace with.
The failure to forgive and let go of such pain has been, along with the repressive and brutal activities and policies of those who hang onto such bitterness, the bane of humanity's long history. All of the most remarkable ugliness and evil in the world has been rationalized on this premise. And our way forward, in this war, in policy matters, generally, and in the world at large is and always has been premised on the emotional and intellectual freedom that genuine and honest forgiveness and observations of the world, at large, offers.
The denial of that fact does not make the failures of understanding or choices we make out of that failure of understanding go way. It does not make the tragedies we are responsible for go away. It does not make any of the pain we experience or inflict go way. It only makes us blind to them.
And for that fact - our own blindness to the realities of an often painful and scary world; seeing shadows instead of sunlight, as Plato once wrote - we can and must, as a matter of necessity, be forgiven.
Because it is the only honest way forward.
And the honest way forward is the only direction that we, humanity, will or can ever accept.


