I'm listening to one of my favorite artists, right now:):):)...
She's a folk singer named Dar Williams:):):)...
And she writes these BEAUTIFUL songs about life and love and growing up and all kinds of awesome stuff:):)...
February...The Christians and the Pagans...The Babysitter's Here...When I Was a Boy...Are You Out There?...Iowa...I Won't Be Your Yoko Ono...What Do You Hear in These Sounds?...Better Things...As Cool As I Am...End of the Summer...The Ocean...We Learned the Sea...Spring Street:):):)...
Dar has this really beautiful song called Are You Out There?...it's about radical radio ("free speech radio," as Dar refers to it:)...Pacifica is a good example of this kind of radio...Democracy Now, with Amy Goodman, is one of its more popular and critically acclaimed shows:):)...
Democracy Now...with Amy Goodman...at Pacifica...
The song is about being a young, probably high school, liberal...yearning for anything liberal that you might get your hands on:):):)...
I really relate with that feeling:):):)...
I was once a young liberal:):):)...I felt the same way, completely:):):)...
I grew up in Wichita, Kansas:):)...and I was always just waiting and looking for anything that would help me escape what I always felt was the stifling, narrow-mindedness of more conservative Wichita, Kansas:):):)...
And Dar's song captures that feeling BEAUTIFULLY:):):)...
She has this set of stanzas in the song...that go...
"And what's the future, who will choose it?
Politics of love and music
Underdogs who turn the tables
Indie versus major labels
There's so much to see through
Like our parents do more drugs than we do
Oh...
Corporate parents, corporate towns
I know every TV set that has them lit
They preach that I should save the world
They pray that I won't do a better job of it
Pray that I won't do a better job
So tonight I turned your station on just so I'd be understood
Instead another voice said I was just too late
And just no good..."
It's a great little dedication to little liberal teenagers all over the world:):):)...and it's a really great song, I think:):)...
And today...as I was thinking about youthful rebellion...it's less healthy purposes...and it's more healthy purposes...
This song came to mind:):):)...
It came to mind because of those lines...
"They preach that I should save the world
They pray that I won't do a better job of it"
About how true that line is:):):)...
How parents and adults and older folks, generally, have a real interest in younger people choosing better in life...and not just rebelling arbitrarily:):):)...
But they also, too often, tend to assume that all rebellion...all differences with younger people...or people with authority tend to think that all differences with those with less authority...are matters of random and senseless rebellion...
Rather than trying to understand it's purpose...
And understand the truth...
Which is that much of that rebellion...
Even when it's senseless...
Has purpose...
At it's base...it's about matters of conscience...about each of us asserting our right to judge matters independently...regardless of whether we are right or wrong...a very healthy need and assertion that is a prerequisite to the mature development of a independent conscience in a free and democratic world that needs such independence to survive and thrive...and which we, individually, need for our own survival and thriving...in an uncertain and mobile and open and free and democratic society:):):)...and in any society that might allow us to thrive as individuals and as human beings:):):)...
But beyond that...
Rebellion often has substantive purpose...in and of itself...
Rebellion is also often a sign that authority is doing something wrong...and that it needs to account for its failures...and not just continue to rationalize its failures as the rebellion of those that it has authority over:):)...
But so often...
The cycle is...
Young people rebel...
And then...as they age...
They become more and more aware of their random rebellion...and more and more convinced that they've figured out how the order of things should be:):):)...
So young people who rebelled against authority:):):)...
Often become the most friendly with authority and power:):):)...
Once they have it:):):)...
This scenario describes the situation of a good 90% of my friends:):):)...at least:):):)...that's a conservative estimate, I think:):):)...
And that's the tendency that Dar is referring to in her song:):):)...
I've had that tendency:):):)...I may still:):):)...I should think about that one a little bit:):):)...
But the truth is:):):)...
Dar is right:):):):)...
The best impulse in the culture is not the certain assertions of authorities:):):):):):):)...
It is the rebellious impulses of youth:):):)...
Even the random ones:):):) (when they're not randomly and deeply destructive, of course:):):)...
It's the desire to improve...
To innovate:):):)...
To shake things up, as my very close friend Dolly Johnson always says:):):):):)...
I'd take the random rebellion of Smashing Pumpkins (without the overdosing of their keyboardists, of course) over the assertions of authority of Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell and Fidel Castro and Kim Jong Il any day:):):)...
Even if Billy Corgan was mainly venting in his songs, rather than focussing on constructive alternatives:):):):):):):)...
Because it gives me room...and everyone room...to breathe:):):)...to vent similar frustrations:):):)...
And to give the bird to authority figures who get in the way of all of our growth, too often:):):):):):)...
Bullet with Butterfly Wings doesn't say much about making the world better:):):)...that's for sure:):):)...
But what young person under the age of 30, at least...if not under the age of 35 or 40:):):)...
Can listen to those lyrics...
"Despite all my rage...I am still just a rat in a cage":):):):):)...
And not just want to throw up some fuckin' horns:):):)...
And bang their head at a world to unsympathetic for their need for freedom:):):):):):)...
Their freedom of conscience:):):):):)...
Their freedom to create:):):):):)...
Their freedom to be:):):):):):)...
Though...you gotta admit:):):)...
1979 and Tonight, Tonight may not be about saving the world:):):) (as far as I know:):):)...
But they are gorgeous:):):):):)...
God, I miss the Smashing Pumpkins:):):)...
Smashingpumpkins.com
Billy Corgan's new album looks really interesting, I have to say...looks like this guy has really been thinking about life:):):)...
And if you check out the "Confessions" part of this website:):):)...I think you'll find that he literally has really been thinking about life:):):)...definitely recommend checking it out:):):)...
But the point is...
That rebellion that a song like Bullet with Butterfly Wings represents for me:):):)...a young person of the generation of the Smashing Pumpkins:):):):) (I saw the Pumpkins live in Wichita like my senior year of college:):):)...excellent concert:):):)...
That rebellion...is healthy...
Even if it doesn't do a goddamn thing:):):)...
Because it represents the fight of the independent conscience...for the space to exercise it's own freedom...it's own independence...which is necessary for it to function:):):)...
And necessary for all of us to function:):):)...individually:):):)...and with one another:):):)...
"emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
and cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me"
Yup:):):)...pretty dark stuff:):):)...and the essence of youthful rebellion:):):)...
And nothing wrong with that at all, really:):):)...
Totally healthy impulse:):):)...
To be young...to rebel...to explore the darkness:):):)...
To do all the things that you're parents tell you not to do:):):)...at least a little:):):)...
A part of being healthy is not always making the best choices...
It's the freedom to make less than ideal choices...to make bad choices...worse choices...
So you tell the difference between good ones...and great ones...and not so great ones:):):)...
And to clean up the messes as we go along:):):)...
MUCH, MUCH, MUCH more healthy than living in the illusion that somehow we can or need to or will be able to do the impossible:):):)...
Which is to somehow not make mistakes:):):):):)...
Which isn't possible:):):)...
No matter how hard we try:):):)...
Because without mistakes:):):)...
There is no growth:):):)...
And growth is is the only way that we survive and thrive in the world:):):)...
And individuals:):):)...and as a species:):):)...
And learning that lesson is one of the most important things we can do...as individuals...as parents and teachers and people of authority, especially:):):)...as a country:):)...as free and democratic citizens:):):)...as human beings:):):)...as a species:):):)...
Making mistakes is a part of being alive:):):)...and learning:):):)...and growing:):):)...
And recogizing mistakes:):):)...is a part of learning and growing and being alive at their best:):):):):)...
And one of the biggest mistakes of the current political moment:):):):)...
Is the idea that we can just make all those mistakes go away:):):)...
If we just assert enough authority:):):)...
It's a silly idea, really:):):)...
Not to mention a fairly arrogant one:):):):):)...
But...it can't go on for long:):):)...
Because it's mistake:):):)...
And we can't thrive as individuals or as a culture making the same mistake over and over again...again and again:):):):):):)...
At some point:):):):)...we've got to recognize the mistake:):):):)...
And let go of our fear of the uncertainty of a world not so attached to authority:):):):):):)...
Which is one of the most important and healthy developments of this generation, I think:):):)...
With the way paved very nicely, really:):):):):):)...by our parents:):):)...and teachers:):):):):):)...and bosses:):):)...and all the folks who used to be young people (and many of which are, now...either or both in spirit or in reality:):):)...not so long ago:):):)...
At 32:):):):)...I'm starting to recognize the benefits of experience:):):)...and maturity:):):)...(and worrying, a little bit:):):)...of not just the inevitability:):):)...but the imminence of death:):):)...
But I know...I know deep in my heart:):):)...
That I now:):):)...and forever:):):)...
Want to identify with that youthful impulse:):):)...
Of rebellion:):):)...
In its healthy:):):):):)...
And not-so-healthy forms:):):):)...(though destructiveness is whole other matter:):):)...which needs loving and open-hearted and compassionate and genuinely respectful criticism:):):)...and...depending on the level of destructiveness to others:):):)...direct intervention:):):)...
I embrace the rebellion:):):):):):)...
And I stand for a world of freedom:):):):)...
Amidst the romanticism of authority that is just now beginning to give way, some, to a more reasonable idea of how autonomous individuals should live with one another:):):)...
I realized yesterday:):):)...as I was thinking about how much I had...quite unfortunately...started to hate my job, lately:):):)...a feeling that is waning, as well, I'm happy to report:):):)...
That...
More than anything else:):):)...
I want freedom:):):)...
I want love:):):)...that's for sure:):):)...
But I want the genuine kind of love:):):):):):)...
The kind that gives me the space to be me:):):):):):)...
And doesn't search, too much, for me to live according to the standards of anyone else:):):)...
Except those ones that make sense to me:):):)...that I think make sense:):):)...and that I internalize, as a consequence:):):)...
I was thinking about how much I very much care for both Tom, my advisor in grad school:):):)...and Brandi:):):):):):)...my girlfriend at the end of undergrad and in grad school:):):)...
But how...more than them, even:):):)...
I care about me:):):):):)...and my need to live life by my conscience:):):)...
And not according to theirs:):):)...or anyone else's, for that matter:):):)...
And...simultaneously:):):)...
Living a life of truer conscience:):):)...
More freely adopted:):):)...more internalized:):):)...more authentically a part of me:):):)...
Than I've ever felt before in my life:):):):):):)...
And all of that is owed to my sense...of rebellion:):):)...of thought:):):):)...of conscience:):):)...of freedom:):):)...
And of my sense of me:):):):):):)...and my autonomy to decide what that means over and above the need of others to decide for me:):):):):):):):)...
I hope we can all do a better job of saving the world:):):)...
Individually:):):):):):)...
And together:):):):):):)...
But...more important than that:):):)...
Is to decide if we want to save the world, or not:):):)...
To make up our own minds about what we want to do with our lives:):):):):):)...
About who we are:):):)...about what we want for our lives:):):):):):)...
A lesson that I need reinforced, I think:):):):):):)...
Have a great day, everyone:):):):):):)...
Love,
Ben
