Venting

I'm gonna vent, right now.

I have felt something akin to hate for everyone who has pressured and bullied me during this period. They can go to hell, as far as I am concerned. They will definitely not get my vote. I am alienated from their ideologies. I could give two shits about their fates or the fates of their efforts, is the truth. And they are damned lucky that this is the worst I feel, right now.

I now understand why the left was so in love with Communism at the beginning of the 20th century: because it was the most left flank on their efforts to pressure for liberal policies. How could anyone live with themselves rationalizing Stalin's monsterousness in the name of ideology and power? The same way that Charles Lindberg rationalizes his celebration of Hitler and too many conservatives celebrate their right flank. Because their thoughtlessness and hate and their mad obsession with power becomes more important than anything decent.

How ugly that we would glamorize those insticts in the 21st century after so many millions of deaths and lives wasted away in the name of that madness in the 20th century. How ugly that we would do it for 100 years with so many barbaric consequences and never take responsibility for it.

There is only one way out. To end it. And to end all of the dark, ugly rationalizations that feed it. That happens when it is more out in the open and all those dark impulses are out in the open with it.

And when we take responsibility for them.

But I do have news for all of those who have convinced themselves and one another that they have rid themselves of them by repressing them: you're lying to yourself and to others and I can see it, no matter how much you try to pretend. And you're life will be a cynical, miserable, fearful mess until you get that shit out in the open and let it go. And all of our lives are made miserable in the process, as well.

And we will forever be a dysfunctional and hypocritical mess as long as lying is enforced so that who we really are gets shoved down below. It darkens the soul to live that way. And that is why people become such cynical fools as they age.

And that is why I have no interest and growing up to be like so many of the cynical fools that call themselves elder. Until they get honest about this fact of life.

Love,
Ben