Being realistic

If there is one thing that I am most sick of hearing at my school, it is people trying to be "realistic" about a kids' future.

The reason why it fuckin' drives me crazy is not because there may not be realistic choices that kids and adults will make in their lives or realistic options that will be available given various developed intelligence, abilities, talents, etc.

What drives me up a fuckin' wall with this discussion is that it is generally one long discussion betting against kids' and their futures and all for the sake of rationalizing both a) their jadedness in a world full of disappointment, now and forever, b) their failures as teachers and as people, and c) some sense of expertise they lack diagnosing limits in kids that they have no way of knowing without kids testing those limits, and even then those limits are not known with any certainty, ever.

It's drives me crazy, because the whole thing is one long excuse for why they gave up on a kid and why they were right to give up on a kid.

And that is exactly why kids and parents should have and should take advantage of as much freedom as they have available to choose better teachers and better schools if and when they have teachers betting like this.

If you are betting against kids, you should not be teaching. Period. It is the wrong career for you. There are plenty of other more lucrative careers that you should explore and leave teaching behind.

Sadly, many, many of my colleagues bet against kids all the time. Teachers, administrators, staff. They confuse their disappointment with the reality that many kids fail in school and in life, and that many kids fail badly, with prison or serious crimes or death, with some kind of wisdom that the kids in front of them are going to fail similarly. And they don't just bet against kids to themselves. They do so openly. And they do so, frequently, against kids who need them to bet for them the most. Kids who are either already betting against themselves, or kids who have no clue how tough life is going to be for them without choosing to take seriously skills that they will need to be successful in the world.

It makes me ill is what it makes me. And it completely validates for me why kids and parents need to be able to choose better and other schools, especially when they find themselves in a situation where people are betting against them. Especially when so often what adults are rationalizing is why they can't control kids, which is exactly the problem so much of the time.

There are so many controls in schools that are counterproductive, that it becomes very difficult, over time, even as a very smart adult, to know, always, when you are compromising and when something is really a concern for kids. So often, there are so many rules for adults and kids in schools that seem to be more an excuse to control adults and kids, which I'm becoming more convinced is actually the case, much of the time. I am learning that there are many, many petty adults in schools, in groups that regulate and control and lobby schools and legislators and regulators, and in the world at large, who seek to control adults and kids often for its own sake, I'm coming to believe. Some people who don't do anything important with their lives become convinced that controlling others is some kind of worthy substitute, I'm coming to believe, as well as a rationalization for what cynical, scared people that they have become that limits their pursuing bigger opportunities. It's such a sad, sad way to live life. And it is a reality that cynical adults create and then tell you how realistically there is no other option. It's like watching Stalin kill your family and tell you how, realistically, there is no other life for you, anymore, except for one without your family.

It's so fucked up. And it is exactly why education needs a free market. So this shit doesn't get rewarded or held afloat. And so teachers who want better for kids can come and kick the living shit out of sad, pathetic schools and teachers who engage in such bullshit. You don't want to believe in something better for yourself or for kids. Well, then you can face your failure more squarely and stop trying to put it off because you're such a fuckin' whiny loser.

I grew up with a million like-minded people in the poor, white trash neighborhood and poor, white side of town I grew up in, in Wichita, Kansas. Adults who had given up on life telling their kids how dreams really can't come true. All so they don't look like the losers they were, doing the worst thing that an adult can do to any kid: kill their dream or bet against them, all so they don't have to face their own failures. It's disgusting. It's forgiveable, definitely. Everything is and must be if you want any kind of happiness in life, I'm convinced. But it's a load of shit that kids shouldn't listen to anymore than they should listen to anyone bet against them or their dreams. But parents and teachers who bet against kids' dreams are the saddest adults alive, as far as I'm concerned.

Jaded folks in the world need to get something straight. Your jadedness is your own business. It is not reality. Reality is what happens outside of your distorted worldview. And, in reality, people are defying your jadedness every day of fuckin' week, generally, if you would open your eyes and stop confusing your cynicism with something better than it is.

And why people with that kind of jaded, distorted outlook think that they should be able to impose it on others and never have to take responsibility for their failures as a consequence of actions taken on behalf of their jadedness, I have no clue, except that they are too cynical to be responsible for even this.

Luckily, back in reality, people don't put up with that shit for too long. You can be jaded all you want, but someone, inevitably, has hope for that area of the world that you have decided you just can't bring yourself to have hope for anymore and they don't give a shit that you've given up. And they don't give a shit about your excuses for why you've given up. And they don't give a shit about whatever ways that you've tried to control the situation so that you never have to face your excuses for why you've given up or your failures as a consequence of giving up.

Eventually, in my experience, no matter how much someone who is being a shithead and a loser decides that they want to hold back stronger, better folks, stronger, better folks find a way around their bullshit and to be successful despite them.

And that is the challenge of teaching in a school like the school I work in. It's not starving children or basic needs going unmet. Typically, my kids' basic needs are met and they are not starving. The biggest challenge of teaching in a school that has a lot of kids who live below the American-interpreted poverty line is that they are living amidst adults - parents, teachers, and others - who have given up, on themselves, and often, on kids.

Many of the advocates for such schools and neighborhoods have given up on them, is the truth. Or they are betting against them. And that is exactly why kids should be skeptical of such teachers and parents and adults. And why kids and parents should be able to choose different schools when they sense that people are betting against them so that they don't have to face their own failures.

That is what killed Jesus and Ghandi and King. A fucked up human race betting against them while they sought to help them, better and more lovingly, face their failures, honestly and with forgiveness.

What a shitty, petty little species we are sometimes. And one of the shittiest and pettiest things you can do in such a sad little life is bet against the dreams or opportunities or possibilities or futures of a child or an adult just so you can be right that your jadedness really is the way the world is and not some unresolved disappointment with a world that doesn't always live up to your expectations.

Fuck jadedness. You disappointed with the way the world turned out? Sit down and shut up and stop pretending like your jaded prognosticating is reality just so you don't have to find the courage to let go of the pain and disappointment that is the source of your jadedness.

And certainly, you shouldn't expect that anyone should follow your lead. Because anyone with half a brain most certainly should not.

So you definitely shouldn't be demanding or forcing it upon anyone. Because you don't deserve it. No matter how deluded you might be that the right to command people is rightfully yours.

People are stupid enough to give into that, at times, sadly. But not for long. And, no matter how long it might go on, they will eventually get it figured out. And your name will be mud, rightfully, with more historical light shed on your petty tyrrany.

Being "realistic" in this way is a code for quitting. And quitting is no basis for genuine realism. Quitting isn't the basis for anything. Quitting shouldn't be listened to at all, even by quitters. The only thing worth quitting is quitting. And people who give up on humanity or others or life should not be taken seriously as wise about anything at all, nevertheless the dreams of a child or an adult.

Jadedness is being disappointed with reality. Realism is coming to terms with realities and finding ways to aspire beyond realities that don't serve us and creating realities that serve us better. Jadedness is giving up on all of that, which is why it should be seen for the charade that it is.

And the truth, I realize, after dealing with far too much of this kind of "realism" than I think I can stomach, much of the time, especially since it impacts the lives of so many very real children and their very real futures is that is that this is exactly why I nor any person, child or adult, should give more ear to jadedness cloaked as realism than it deserves.

Fuck jadedness. And people who try to use it to rationalize why not only they have given up on life, but why you should too. There is nothing more ugly in my mind than infecting your children with your cynicism because you're too fuckin' pussy to face up to your own fuckin' choices and failures.

My kids all did better on their final state assessments than they did on their practice assessments (though most of them were on a substantially modified - easier and shorter - test than the test we practiced with). And contrary to the trend among many of the teachers I've seen - who have many kids lose ground on district tests - my kids, with one exception, all improved on their district assessments from their first testing. And that one kid we put on a faster, but more genuinely realistic track, and he improved substantially on his final state assessment. The same was true of the collaborative class I work with, substantially better than the other classes this teacher I work with teaches, she said.

Realism is looking at a fucked up situation and thinking, "Somehow we have to fix this shit and make it better." Cynicism is looking at a fucked up situation and saying, "That shit will never get better and anyone who tries will fail. Trust me."

And the sad irony is that cynicism should never be trusted. No matter how much it masquerades as realism.

Here's a big fuck you to all of the jadedness in the world. Either give that shit up or keep it to yourself, I say. Have some balls and live with this world and make it better rather than bemoaning why it sucks and tearing down people who are trying to improve things for real and not just validate your cynicism.

I've got to go drink a beer and think about what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. Have a nice spring afternoon. I know I will:).

Love,
Ben