I think I'm falling for someone...and coming to terms with Brandi being gone forever...

I'm falling for the psychologist in our school, I think...

There's several women interested, I know...but there's just something kind of special about this counselor...

I want to just be friends, first...I want a shot at the kind of love that I've had before...

And the whole thing is making me come to terms with the fact that all the special memories that Brandi and I had...are in the past...

And I'm balling like a little fuckin' baby in the middle of my fuckin' classroom...

There's so many great memories that I have with Brandi...that I can't quite share with anyone else quite the same...

Stories that we used to tell...over and over again...especially the story of us getting together...

Brandi and I were both so social...and a little competitive at it, at that...I thought it was kind of cute, myself...

We'd tell stories over each other...she'd correct me...I'd correct her...

And I'll never have any of that, again...and I miss it...and her...

This psychologist is smart...and nice...and committed to these kids in a similar way as me...and she's real...

For all of my commitment to the civil rights movement...and its modern successor in efforts to alleviate poverty (did I mention that I once made a failed effort to start a poverty movement?...is it any wonder why Brandi left me?)...

I've never dated a black girl...

This girl is strong...smart...independent...she happens to be gorgeous, though that's not what I'm attracted to, primarily...

Every time I pass her office, I look for her...and when she's there, I want to find a reason to talk with her...

She went to a little school, like me...Emporia State University...

But she...and noone is Brandi...and knowing that that friendship...and that relationship...is behind me...is so sad to me...

I'm so sorry for all the mistakes I made with Brandi...and that led her to want to be away from me...

I've vowed never to do that to anyone...to just be away from someone I love...or someone who loves me...and cut off communication...

...without an open door for them to walk through when they're ready...

I'm so sorry, Brandi...

I miss you, hon...

I miss sharing memories...with one another...and with friends and family...

I miss your family...

And I miss the learning and growing to be the person that I could be with you...

This is a good sign, I think...

In no other relationship that I've had since Brandi and I broke up have I been able to put her behind me...

I just missed her, too badly...and not to insensitive to Melissa or Rachel or Jenny or Anne or Irma...but noone ever seemed to live up...

If you ever meet her, you'll understand...

She is the one who got away...

I've got to get to my 8th hour team meeting...

I've got a lot more still to deal with, I think...

Have a great day, everyone...

Love,
Ben