Today was one of those days when I regret teaching

Today was a shitty day, overall.

I had some bright spots with two kids who are starting to take speech and debate seriously. And I had a student who normally does not take school seriously volunteer consistently in class today.

But, overall, this was one of those days when I regret teaching.

I collaborate with a general education teacher in a reading class in the morning. And we have a whole slew of real shitheads in there. And, today, they were being particularly shitty.

I guess I just don't understand people, even 11-14 year olds, who wallow in their own ignorance. I don't understand why anyone would pride themselves on being stupid and finding clever ways to draw attention to themselves, to talk about a million stupid things, and to otherwise find ways not to do work.

I encountered it as an adult. I worked several jobs before I taught, full-time. And I encountered so many adults who would waste mine and their time trying not to do work. And it annoyed the living shit out of me. Why would I waste mine and everyone elses' time with that kind of foolish bullshit, I thought? And today, I saw where it starts. As I watched this whole gaggle of sloths and morons and otherwise kind of shitty little kids wallowing in their ignorance. And disrupting other kids who wanted to learn. And treating me and the regular teacher in that classroom really shitty (me, in particular, because I was confronting their rude behavior).

I just don't get this at all. This whole being stupid and taking pride in it. Kids do it. Adults do it. People all over do it. And it's just stupid and foolish to me. Lying and being rude and creating disruptions and being mean and stupid and lazy and otherwise avoiding doing any real good in the world.

I don't understand the kind of lack of self-respect that is involved with that kind of choice, by adults or by children.

What leads people to be so full of themselves, to be so animated by their egos, that they would prefer to do the convenient or self-centered thing over the right thing, even it means that others are treated badly in the process? And why would anyone think that this is any kind of decent way to live life except to validate their own foolish egos which tell them that getting what they want for themselves is more important than doing something worthwhile in the world?

Except for a world where adults are constantly validating their own foolish egos that tell them that getting what they want for themselves is more important than doing something worthwhile in the world.

And so the shitty self-fulfilling prophecy of the world continues and unfolds. Unless adults, children, all of us make different choices with our lives.

Today was one of those days when I regret becoming a teacher. Because I hate the idea of wasting my life trying to help people who don't want it because they are more infatuated with their foolish and small-minded little egos.

For some reason, as someone who grew up poor among ignorant and stupid folks who engage in this ugly and mean-spirited kind of stupidity, this kind of small-mindedness has always been much more disgusting to me than the other kinds of small-mindedness. I've never really been able to understand how anyone could be stupid and full of themselves at the same time. I couldn't live with myself being as stupid and foolish as so many adults and kids who have egos out of proportion with what they have to contribute to the world.

And today was one of those days when I wondered if anything could be done about that fact of life, at all. Except for people choosing to be more decent and smarter.

Now I see why concepts that seem so simple to me seem so difficult for so many folks. Because so many people don't really give much of a shit, is the truth. And these kids really made me regret doing this work at all, today.

Love,
Ben