Trying to figure it all out...

You know what's so great about working at a school?...

You get to see people at an age when we they all get cared about...no matter what...some less than others, unfortunately...but all of them, in general...

And I'm just trying to figure out...where adults get the notion that as of 18 or so...

We all just have to start treating each other like shit, all of the time?...

We definitely have to grow up...I definitely believe that...and I'm so incredibly frustrated with young adults and older adults, alike, who can never quite get growing up, seriously...who all often act like adolescents, rationalizing what shitheads they are, all the time...

But where'd we get this stupid notion, I constantly wonder?...

This idea that treating each other like shit...that muscling our way through most problems...works...for everyone...not just for our own selfish concerns...and the tough treatment we all receive as a adults that often leads to that more selfish outlook...

On almost every major issue I can think that we face together, right now...this is the central problem...it's the big fat elephant sitting in the middle of the fucking room...

The dumber people are...the more they want to muscle through problems they don't want to and don't know how to think through...

And the smarter folks in the world like muscling through problems, too...just less than the dumber of us...

And you watch the whole spectacle...and you're just like, "When are people going to give up the jig?"...

I don't know where people get this notion...from people treating them like shit, in all likelihood...and them wanting to take it out on someone else...

But it can't stop until people start to acknowledge it...and change the way they deal with things...

And no major problem we face, right now, will be fundamentally addressed in all the million ways that we could be addressing it or them with a more genuinely collaborative, open-ended, problem-solving way until we cut this bullshit out...

But...for whatever reasons...just stubborness, really...more than anything else...

Noone wants to cut it out...

Everyone is somehow deluded in the notion that they will eventually win whatever power gamble they're engaged in (there are power gambles we must engage in, so it's not like force is never necessary...we just need to do a far better job of judging those situations and using power when it will solve a problem and not just put off a problem until the power conflict gets resolved)...

And what's so sad about the whole goddamn thing...

Is how lost we get in it...

How lost we get in the notion that someday we'll win the power battle...

The most completely dysfunctional power battle I see in every day life is people who don't want to take life seriously at all...

They're gonna fight for their right to live as irresponsibly, ignoring all the real consequences, as they want...

And the responsible people in their lives...like me...trying to encourage them in the better direction...often futily, it seems...

It's the Lion King...trying to get his Hakuna Matata friends to start taking responsibilities to the community seriously...

And this Lion King is really tired and frustrated with so many failed efforts (along with a lot of successful ones) to lead people in a better direction...though I'm totally clear that efforts to force people in that direction frustrate that general purpose, enormously...

And there's this age...when everyone gets cared about...by someone...one person, at least, and usually many...and it's great...

And then the power battles ensue...when we start trying to force one another to be responsible...and it just never seems to end, sometimes...

Some of that being responsible we call conservative...usually, I think, this means being morally and financially responsible (though a lot of good and decent conservatives, at least, recognize that there are realities that don't always allow for perfection in these areas by most if not all people)...and responsible for the safety of others and ourselves...

And some of that responsible we call being liberal...which usually involves being compassionate and caring about others...looking out for and taking care of the least fortunate amongst us...being forgiving and merciful when people need it...avoiding war as much as possible...

And somewhere along the way...we all just get lost in this notion that being responsible means forcing others to do our bidding...and when they don't, really making them, by forcing them more...

In psychology...it's called a control issue...it's a problem for those who carry one around with them...and it is responsible for so much of what is wrong with the world, today...

I have one, sometimes...

Melissa and I, last night, were talking about how people can just blow off serious responsibilities so easily...why some people feel no responsibility, at all, to take serious things seriously...and then, how, others who do take those things seriously end up taking them all far too seriously, so frustrated are they with carrying the burden for everyone else who just won't ante up and be a part of a solution...some solution...any solution...and how, as a consequence, those people just become pawns in a world of very skilled chess players who manipulate them until they figure out how to think for themselves...

Melissa says I'm pressuring her too much...and I'm thinking...why do people have such a hard time having it sink in that learning about these important stuff in the world is important...so they can be a part of solutions...rather than easily manipulated pawns who become a part of problems, because they can't find it in themselves to be a part of solutions...

But it's clear that I'm making Melissa feel bad...and I had had the same conversation with Brandi a million times...so I back off...and say I'm sorry...

But I am also left with the same feeling I've had before...which is when you don't take serious issues seriously...you should not be surprised when noone gives a shit what you have to say when you do express your opinion...opinions are like assholes, as the saying goes...so yours is number 1,874 that I've heard today...so unless there is substance to your opinion, I don't really give much of a shit about it...and if you don't take thinking and learning about issues seriously...then you should not be surprised when you haven't learned much about them when you need to understand them better...and when I ignore your opinion because it reflects that kind of ignorance...

And yet...it is all kinds of people...more and less intelligent...political and non-political...most people, really...Melissa is an exception to this rule since she very rarely pressures for anything at all really...she's more flight than fight, which has it's drawbacks for her...

All kinds of people...who don't want to understand issues...but goddamn it if they want others to take their various random opinions seriously...and to abide by them...even if there's not much substantial behind them...or if there is more substance in other thinking about those same issues...

And all these various folks...who want to get their way...without really understanding important questions very thoroughly at all, as a general rule...want to get their way...

And not just politics...just life in general...

And they fuck everything up...and because they're not responsible for very much in their lives...they don't and won't take responsibility for anything that comes out of the way they handle things...no matter how much it fucks things up...

Some of them are poor...some of them are rich...some of them are more powerful...some of them are less powerful...

But the one thing they all have in common is that they keep making the same stupid mistake over and over again on this one...and most of them lack even what I would consider a very basic level of curiosity about how they might identify the problem...

And yet...they...we...all start out in school together...all people with others around us that care about us...

And then we go off in a million different random directions...most people both giving lip service to school as important...but generally ignoring it and all the learning and understanding it has to offer...out of arrogance more than anything else, I'm convinced...and out of their frustration with how they were treated in school...especially higher stakes school situations, like high school and college or post-secondary schools of all kinds...vo-tech...junior colleges...technical schools...culinary schools...whereever...

And yet we all started out in similar enough schools...

Some of us took school seriously...and some of us blew it off...and many of us still blow it off (it was both ironic and amusing to watch teachers blow off the in-service teacher we had the other day on discipline issues which they've all been bitching about since I got there, and yet blowing off this teacher in the very same way that they complain that kids blow them off in their classrooms...most people are kind of self-centered, I'm learning...though teachers are less so than most people I've encountered, thusfar, in this world...that's why it's so easy to be extraordinary...it just takes a little thought about others than yourself)...

But...ultimately...we all have the same opportunities to do great or not-so-great or really pretty shitty things in life...and some people choose the shitty things...and some people choose the not-so-great things...and some people choose the great things...

And the whole time I'm left shaking my head wondering, "Why do we all choose, so often, to be so goddamn petty?":):):)...does it serve us?...generally, not...is it good for ourselves or others?...generally not...

Then why?...

And the answer I'm beginning to figure out is that it seems easy in the moment...and most people want what they think is going to be an easier route...which, generally, turns out to be a harder route...and so they end up slugging it out with a harder life and having very little to show for it...

And all because they just couldn't/wouldn't think about it a little more...

It's all so sad and pathetic, I think:):)...

And all in the name of wanting to avoid being a better person...which they often try at only very half-heartedly...and taking constant pity breaks to recall (generally self-centeredly) the hardships they experienced in their chase of often terribly petty goals, along with a lot of decent goals and dreams, as well...

And I'm watching this whole thing thinking, "Why?"...

It all just seems so completely adolescent and small to me...

My religion is better than your religion...

My party is better than your party...

My ideology is better than your ideology...

My dad can beat up your dad...

It all just seems so goddamn stupid to me...

I'm not even really disheartened by it, anymore...

I'm just kind of perpetually in awe of how many variations of stupid that people can engage in...

And I'm beginning to realize that when we say that we need to look out for the stupid and foolish amongst us...

That we're not talking about a select group of us...

We're talking about all of us...me too...

We're all just a bunch of tough, stupid dumbasses (even the less tough and stupid among us) all trying to get our way...

And just as we look back on the American civil war...and monarchy...and segregation...and patriarchy...and a whole load of stupid shit...

Our progeny will be studying one day in text books...about what morons we were...always trying to get our way...always self-assured in our efforts...no matter how much we clearly fail...

I've got a driver's side window to attend to...

I hope everyone's having a great day:):)...

Love,
Ben

Progress...what it is...what it isn't...and why it matters...

Listening to: Toby Keith...American Soldier...

I just lost this really long, involved post on the problem of "honor killings" in Iraq and other traditional societies and why they illustrate, really well, I think, the principles of least possible necessary aggression...

And then I lost it all...ugh is a serious understatement, right now...

The essence of it is this, though...

"Honor killings" in traditional societies -- of female family members, of wives, etc. -- arise out of the various ways that social groups -- like the tribal groups featured in this NPR report -- try to coerce adherence to social taboos...and hence lead not only to repression of violations of those taboos, when they happen...which they most certainly do, we can be fully confident...if they didn't, there'd be no reason for the taboo...but they lead to destructive and dysfunctional responses to both the original taboo -- sexual obsession, in the case of sexual taboos -- but then also repressive means of dealing with those taboos...family shame...and in these very tragic cases, murder, to try to remove shame from the family...

It's all this very sad, very destructive vicious cycle and self-fullfilling prophecy that can only be broken with more openness and freedom...for us to deal with ourselves and each other as we are, for real...and get better, as a consequence...and to do so with compassion and a more developed understanding of the underlying issues involved...

More democratic, free, modern, Western, enlightened, open, humane...whatever the hell you want to call more free, democratic, and open cultures...they are stronger, as cultures and because of the strength of individuals, emotionally, intellectually, morally, and otherwise, because they deal with these issues more openly...and even they are limited in doing so by similar taboos that prevent more open discussion...but they do so better than more traditional societies because they understand such issues as part of larger matters of humanity and constructive approaches to relationships between them...

As Bruno Kirby and Billy Crystal remind us in When Harry Met Sally...

Jess: Marriages don't break up on account of infidelity. It's just a symptom that something else is wrong.
Harry Burns: Oh really? Well, that "symptom" is fucking my wife.

There's a lot more to this...but I'm tired and frustrated that I lost that post...and I have to get to bed so I can get up at a decent hour tomorrow morning...

Have a good night, everyone...

Ben