I have grades to get in and tons of work to do tonight.
But I had an experience today that really humbled me.
I had two girls, this morning, who were so out of control during a computerized assessment that I was supervising. The girls both decided to talk incessantly, after repeated reminders that they needed to be quiet during the test, and I asked both, at different times, to leave the room and to sit in desks outside of the room since they couldn't keep quiet. Both argued loudly with me about their fates amidst the test. Both refused to go where I told them to go. One of them went when I threatened to call security. One of them left the room when even my colleague and the official classroom teacher on the scene asked her to stop. Both ended up in the office on referrals from me and both continued to argue their cases loudly, disrupt the office, and each time they were asked what happened from someone new ,they would respond to the effect of, "Nothing."
It was an insane morning. And it was humbling for me because it led me to reflect on the million moments in my own childhood when I was completely convinced that I was right, that I was smarter than the adults I was dealing with, that I was not in the wrong, when I felt persecuted, and when I was otherwise being a similarly spoiled, arrogant little brat.
And I was humbled.
It occurred to me after this incident how manipulative we all can be, myself right at the top of that list. And how important it is for parents and teachers and adults to back one another up in calling children's attention and the attention of too many less mature adults to their out of control behavior. I've had many times when I've refused that reality check. And I realized, today, that I must have looked and seemed very much like these two out of control girls making scenes and playing dumb when it was time to take responsibility.
Raising children, I'm learning from teaching, is a lot of hard work.
And I am terribly humbled by how difficult it must have been for my parents and teachers and professors and friends to deal with me when I've acted arrogant, spoiled, out of control, and otherwise like a remarkable ass.
Growing up, I think, has a lot to do with recognizing what a total ass you must have been as a kid as you see children at ages that you can remember being and hope you were never that snotty and immature.
Today I realized what a hard job all those parents and teachers and adults had in raising me and the kids I grew up with.
My hat goes off to them, today. And I can forgive but also be mindful of what a total ass I was at various times in my youth and young and not-so-young adulthood.
Here's to growing up, despite how shitty I and all kids start out.
Love,
Ben