Disappointment...

I've got a million things to do, today...I'm still exhausted, even though I tried to get to sleep early last night to make up for lost sleep...I'll be playing catch up again this Saturday and then hopefully I can more regularly get sleep thereafter...

Last night I had a paper to work on...but I couldn't really get much done...just feeling disappointed with Brandi, right now...
It's one thing to screw up and to take responsibility for it...it's a whole other thing to take the weak/lame route, altogether, and to consistently avoid facing up...

Brandi's been taking the weak route for quite a while, now...I'm much clearer about that, now...yesterday was just the first time that she shared it so openly...

And I'm just feeling disappointed because I expected so much more out of her, I suppose...

We all have choices to make in our lives...sometimes we take the high road...sometimes we take the low...all of us...the trick is that with the important stuff, do we get in the habit of taking the low road and avoiding the challenge to be better...or do we face up to our weaker natures and become stronger from the experience...

Nothing wrong with taking the low road for awhile, even on the important things...as long as it's part of a journey that involves facing up to that and digging deep for strength...

The problem is when we start lying to ourselves...telling ourselves that we're doing better than we really are...or that people should listen to us or follow our example more than we really deserve because we just can't find it in ourselves to live a better example...

It's a common problem...it's also a serious one, at some point, around most of the most important issues that humanity faces...

In this situation, it just leaves me disappointed, right now...not really hurt...I think I've experienced plenty of that...just disappointed...that Brandi has so thoroughly taken up the lame route...

And that this particular lame route involves cutting me out so that she can maintain whatever weakness that drives her around it...

It's just a very different Brandi than my best friend in college aspired to be...it's like watching Mike Coupland leave his friends so he can go chase popularity...it doesn't offer him the happiness he was hoping for, of course...but it's sad losing friends as they chase illusive dreams...

I doubt the money or the seclusion will offer Brandi what she thinks it will...but it's her life to make choices with...

I'm just sad that a person who has been such quality for much of her life has chosen a weaker road...

And this morning I'm just dealing with the disappointment...

Love,
Ben