You ever wondered why your momma said not to hang out with the wrong crowd?...

...I don't any more...

I can't think of any better argument for spending my time with intelligent, educated, decent people...

Than spending too much of it, by far, with the wrong crowd...

I've had a group of friends whose major aspiration in life is the newest high that they can get off of whatever drugs they can get their hands on...I've only done pot (and a whippet, once) in the my life...and almost all of it has been with this crowd...

I stopped smoking pot about the same time I stopped hanging out with this crowd...which I had only smoked very occassionally...

And now I think I know why momma and everyone else said not to hang out with the wrong crowd...

Because they're bad news...

And the most annoying thing about the wrong crowd...

Is that they so frequently forget that they're the wrong crowd...so insistent are they on rationalizing what fucked up lives they lead...

And I am beyond tired of it...

I had a nice little life as a good student...and a good guy...who didn't do drugs...and did well in school...I hated always doing what I was told...but even that doesn't bother me so much, anymore...as long as people do it nicely...when they don't...well, that's a different story...

And this crowd of friends is validating every conservative impulse I've ever had in me...to stay away from people who talk or act like they don't give a fuck about anyone but themselves...because...in all likelihood...they don't...

I just didn't know how nasty people were...until I left school...it's true...the school doesn't totally prepare you for a total shithole the real world often is...and generally made so by the people most cynical about what a shithole it is...

And the lesson I'm learning...is that the reason to prefer making friends with deep and abiding faith and decency and values and dreams and purpose and aspirations...

Is because the more shallow, foolish people in the world...are probably not people you can rely on...

And that is definitely the case, here...

Brandi did better than I ever gave her credit for...

She just started hanging out with a guy from church...

Wise move...

Because average people...the kind that you never see show up at church...for fear that they'll burn to a crisp the moment they step in...

Are one long pain in the ass...

And I, for one, am sick and fucking tired of the bullshit of this group of friends...and I have had it...

I'm definitely not a regular church-goer, either...I like church...a lot, often...I was a youth leader in a nice little liberal Christian church, Unity Church, in Wichita, Kansas...

And while I had a really great church experience, overall...I also know that many church folks can be a real pain in the ass to hang out with, too...

My plan...teach...write...get work in a university, at some point...

And spend as much time on my own, as possible...

And if I can't make change with these folks...to get them to think more when they need to...then it's just not possible...maybe Amartya Sen is right...maybe some people just can't be intelligent...or maybe...much more likely...maybe some people just refuse to think intelligently...

Either way...I'm tired of the bullshit...

Because I'm the only person that I can rely on...for any kind of decent judgment...for anything I need...for all the shit that really matters in life...

And if I find a girl, along the way, who's smart and wise and decent enough...then that will be fine, too...

But from here on out...

I'm doing this life on my own...

And with whatever decent people I can find along the way...

Ben