The beauty of freedom

I am discovering in my 5 years since leaving school the risks and pitfalls of freedom, but more importantly I am learning the possibilities, real world lessons and experiences, and beauty of freedom.

Do you know what the best part of freedom is? That no matter what choices you make - good or bad - they are your own.

And 5 years of more substantial freedom since leaving grad school has done for me exactly what I wanted from it (and more, really).

It has put my life squarely in my hands.

And you want to know the best part?

For all of the scares and concerns that people have had for me and for the world where more freedom was available, I have far more confidence in my abilities, today, to have the life that I will love - a life of teaching and writing, a life of financial security and wealth, a life of helping others and being an example of self-discipline and responsibility and contribution, a life with freedom and free time to be with people I love, especially family and friends, and a life where I can be the kind of example that my children and others can learn from and then improve on my example as much as they are able and with as much potential as is humanly possible - with all that freedom, including all of the trial and error. Lately, I've experienced a lot of both trial and error, but that is where the learning takes place and it is where living a life without a safety net - until I build a more substantial one for myself, that is, than I could ever depend on government or a family member or a job or anyone other than myself to possibly create for me - becomes so worth living.

This experience, more than any other I've had, has made my life more genuinely secure upon my efforts and intellect and habits for a more genuinely secure future than I ever could have found in a job pension, a government check, or the hopes for an inheritance or a lottery payoff.

It also is the single most important learning experience of my life, I'm convinced. And this kind of life, I'm convinced, even though it is just beginning in a meaningful and self-directed adult way, is exactly the general sort of life that most people would benefit from were they to think beyond their immediate gratification, their fears for their financial future, or their perpetual efforts to fit in with the crowd. As Benjamin Graham, the successful investor and investment teacher who Warren Buffet most credits with his wealth and who he says influenced him most besides his father, argues accurately, I trust, it is not what others think about a stock, and I would argue about politics or parenting or teaching or science or life or anything. It is the facts and the analysis. And the kind of intelligence that can take advantage of those facts and analysis is the kind that is as free and independent as possible. That is why freedom, and intelligent use of that freedom, is the single most important factor in overall life success among the most successful people in the broad array of fields of which I have kept track.

My fortune is not made yet. Neither is my career as a policy theorist, writer, teacher, citizen, political participant, and school, university, and community leader (perhaps I will run for some office at some point; it's not my main ambition, in the least, but I'm open to the idea if the opportunity looks right). I have no family. Or wife. I don't even have a girlfriend, presently.

But I do have a thoughtful, realisitic vision for my life and for the world, generally, and a patient commitment to see it realized and for the ideas to be left behind that can realize it if and as people make better choices. And I have the confidence that only freedom and responsibility can offer a person.

Any person. Without freedom and responsibility, we are all slaves. As Bill Buckley argues, the greater degree to which we are taxed or have our freedom limited, the greater our slavery is.

And, for all our fears, it is ironic that only with freedom comes the only real confidence and security that we can ever really know that our lives are on solid ground.

And that is the beauty of freedom.

I have to try to sleep if I can. Enjoy the cool spring evening, if you happen to be lucky enough to have one like ours.

Love,
Ben

Focussing on my weaknesses

I'm really sad.

I can't seem to get anything right, these days.

Everyone I encounter seems to look at me through my weaknesses. I can't ever seem to be appreciated for my strengths, anymore.

I don't know if it's good guys finishing last or the fate of a strong and independent mind or people assuming I must not be tough enough or hard enough or imposing enough or rules-adhering enough or if I'm just an ordinary joe-schmoe having life not work out, sometimes, like anyone else.

I've decided that I'm going to spend the next few months giving very careful attention to my major areas of weakness around organization, financial issues, legal/rules issues, appearance, and anything else I can think of. I give all of these issues considerable attention. But not as much as some people.

The bottom line for me is that I don't want my ideas to given short shrift ever again for any reason whatsover. I don't want my mind to be overlooked ever again for any excuse that people can find. And I don't want my heart to be an excuse for anyone to ever take me for granted ever again.

The woman and people I'm looking to spend most time with, I'm sure, will not have these problems with taking such strengths for granted, I can only hope, since I can only hope that my strengths will be as important to them as they are to me.

But I don't want anyone ever again to have an excuse ever again to take me for granted. I want to beat all other relevant expectations so soundly that I'll never have to experience this feeling with people ever again.

I am tired of being an exotic oddity with people and to have them focus on weaknesses that, for them, are strengths, all because they don't appreciate, well enough, the significance of intelligent thought in their own work.

It's important whether people recognize that or not. It may not be the most important thing on a basketball court (although it's important there, too). But most other places, it is more important than anything else because it is the resource from which every other problem is resolved.

And my job, now, is to make that so abundantly clear that that fact can never ever again be avoided by anyone I ever work or spend time with again in my life.

Anyone who fucks me over with good intentions only gets credit for their good intentions from here on out, and anything, honestly, that they might have contributed. But I don't romanticize Brandi or KU or Eisenhower, anymore. I love what I do. And I love people, generally. But I don't romanticize them anymore. I want to fall in love. But I want to fall in love with someone on her merits. I want to do and work somewhere I love. But I want to work and do what I love based on its merits. I always want to be paid and promoted and honored and appreciated for what I love. But I want to be paid and promoted and honored and appreciated based on my merits.

I'm on a mission to make so crystal clear my merits that noone will ever be able to credibly say boo about them, again, except to help me and others improve and only have credible criticisms in those situations where they are right. And my efforts will be to anticipate those criticisms as often and as thoroughly as I can as much as I am humanly possible. And when people do have criticisms that say that I can't play on the team ever again, they better have a good argument.

I just hope I never develop dementia. Because I will be hell to deal with if I do:).

Love,
Ben

I can't live like this

I can't be someone who fucks over others to look after my own ass. My conscience won't let me. After this week, I find myself asking, "Who would you be becoming if you became a dick just to join the crowd?"

I'm just tired of being pushed around and eating shit. I can't be that kind of person, is the truth. I'm a decent person and no amount of bullying can really ever make that go away.

I just want to have a life, again, where I can be decent and have that be appreciated and not always have me as a target for what it means to be too nice.

Love,
Ben