You know what hangs on my heart most?

That I give such a shit.

I've been coming to terms with the reality with how limited my efforts are, no matter how much I give to my work. And I've been realizing that people will think and do what they're going to think and do independent of my input. It's central to my thinking, ironically. But when you want and think people need to make changes in life that take them in better directions, it's the most frustrating and disappointing part of such efforts.

And I realize as my heart sinks in that recognition, that what has always hung on my heart most is that I give such a shit. My life is so often sad because I care.

Which I would regret. Except I respect most people who give a shit like this.

And I could only spend my life with someone who gave a shit.

Anyone else would be so self-centered, they'd fuckin' drive me crazy.

Which is why so many people are so unhappy in their relationships, I imagine. Because most people are such self-centered assholes.

Which is why it's so hard for me to find someone I'd want to settle down with, these days. Because someone who gives a shit about me the way I give a shit about them is the only person I could spend my life with.

And people who give that much of a shit about anything are hard to find, is the truth.

And so fuckin' be it.

I won't settle for less.

Which is appropriate. Because you know what fucks up the world more than anything else?

That people don't give enough of a shit. Not really. Not enough to love their neighbor, for real. Not enough to be honest, for real. Not enough to put others' needs and interests before their own, for real.

So I guess if there's going to be a reason to be sad in the world, it might as well be because you give such a shit.

Because everything else is a fuckin' waste of time.

Love,
Ben