Why I just can't support Rudy Guliani anymore

Because I could never vote for someone who thinks this simplistically.

Rudy Guliani on the midterm elections

Goddamn, I hope Barak Obama will run this election. Because I just can't stomach the idea of voting for Hillary Clinton.

Run, Barak, run.

Love,
Ben

It's official: I hate my job

I've hated my job for the last three weeks. Last Friday was a new low. Today was a newer low.

I had an evaluation, today, with an assistant principal for two classes she observed that went off beautifully. The classes were engaged, they were answering questions, they were asking questions, and the kids who normally disrupted class were not disrupting class.

And all Ms. Cowan could see was how everything wasn't perfect. The kids who were not disrupting class, today, and making serious efforts to show me that they were trying, as far as Marsha was concerned, they weren't participating and I wasn't making sure they were. I was differentiating for three levels of students, but for Ms. Cowan it wasn't enough (no matter how huge a task that is). And the kicker was that we were doing the higher level math work to prepare for 8th grade benchmarks, the kids were getting it far better than in the past, and for Ms. Cowan it still wasn't rigorous enough, even though this was one of the first classes where kids seemed to really get it.

Ms. Cowan has officially become exactly the kind of administrator that I hate working for now. And of the many reasons driving me out of the teaching profession, her mentality of nothing ever being enough has just topped my list.

Why do public service when people always feel this way? Nothing is ever enough. I can't think of a good reason.

There's a part of me that feels like, "I have done enough. The job isn't done. But there's no way in hell that people are going to let me do the job that would need to get done. So why bother?"

It's not just others making mistakes, these days, that is bothering me. It is them imposing their mistakes on me because they just can't handle fucking up their own work. They have to fuck up mine, as well.

I need another profession. Something I don't care about, as much. Something that doesn't matter so when people act stupid I just have to take it so seriouly.

A university would be similarly infuriating with the same headaches with people who are more convinced that they are right, all the time, because they have Ph.D.'s.

The business world was similarly frustrating with people who had no clue at all always bossing me around.

I guess I can either start my own independent business, or I can do what my professors and teachers said all along -- be the person with all of the power. But these days, the person with the most power (meaning the capacity to force others to do his bidding) is the President, and there is no way in hell that I would want to be in his shoes. I couldn't imagine a more miserable job.

All I know is I hate my job. And I need to do something else.

Congratulations to every liberal, conservative, whatever the fuck they call themselves, who rationalized force as a means of solving problems that it can't solve, no matter how much we pretend. I hate my job, I don't trust anyone I work with, I don't trust the government, and I don't trust anyone any more than I can throw them because they all want to force my hand all the time.

As Fukuyama aludes to in his new book, that is the consequence of an accountability/force system of getting things done. It undermines trust. And it definitely undermines mine. Because I don't trust a goddamn person anymore.

Nice job.

Ben

Enron in public schools

I feel like I'm at Enron, right now, with the level of rationalization and self-deception that people are engaging in so that they think they will make AYP (Adequate Yearly Progress; a mininum standard under the No Child Left Behind Act), this year. Everyone is rationalizing leaving behind kids and math skills, they are so focussed on complying with the "No Child Left Behind Act."

Ironic, huh?

But it's so clear at this point.

And as completely disturbing as it is to me, right now, it makes me really proud that I haven't given into all this bullshit.

Lying to yourself and others is a nasty habit. It fucks up your perception. And it leads to things like tech bubbles and housing bubbles. And wars where you have no clue what to do to make the situation better.

And school failure.

Love,
Ben

Rising to their level of incompetence

I am completely convinced of the axiom that people rise to their station of imcompetence at this point.

It is completely clear to me, at this point, that people who get administration jobs are the people who apply for the jobs. I've got good friends who apply for those jobs who I love, but if they ever tried to pretend that this meant that they had more wisdom to offer, I would buy them a beer and tell them do some more studying:):).

I just had a meeting with an administrator on a formal evaluation that convinced me that if you pretend like you know more than you really do, you look like an ignoramus. It's a bad strategy in life. And it means that people trust you less, not more.

I am quickly losing confidence in my administration. Which is trouble. Because it's when good teachers look at leaving. Being fired would be a blessing, right now, because the less you can trust your leadership, the less effectively you can accomplish bigger goals and trust them to get you there. At that point, it really does become every person for themselves. Because you don't have leadership that you can follow with any level of trust.

Power corrupts. Because it infects the mind with a compulsion to always get more of it when you're convinced that it hasn't accomplished what you really want deep down.

To have your opinions respected.

And that only comes with knowing what you're doing:).

Love,
Ben