Lazy Sunday

(NBC made youtube take Lazy Sunday off of their video selection, so you can access the video and a million other hilarious SNL digital shorts and skits at Lazy Sunday at SNL on NBC)

Listening to: What a Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong

After one of the most cynical weeks and nights of my life, last week and last night, I had a really outstanding day today.

I'm just so content with my life, at this point, no matter what happens. I could lose my job, I could be diagnosed with cancer, I could encounter any number of terrible tragedies.

And I will always come out of it more and more content with life, I realize, today.

After a week and a night of more real cynicism than I've felt in my young life, I realized, today, that my ideals in life, both as a matter of my own life and as a matter of the world independent of me, are more real, today, than they have ever been in my lifetime, including my undergraduate and graduate years and my years with Brandi, which I've always regarded as my most idealistic period.

So many things I realized, today. How much ego is behind so much cynicism and false pride and false tragedy that is responsible for so much of the more ignoble pursuits in the world, for power, for influence, for money, for sex, for fame, for notoriety. How much very worthy pursuits are passed up by good people because of their fears of all of these things that they will miss out on, when, in reality, none of what we know of the more ignoble pursuits in the world are really where happiness lie. A truth that we know deep down, even as we ignore that bit of wisdom. And a truth I learned most squarely when the friendship I cared about most in my life I lost, in part out of an insanely stressful pursuit of influence and status and less noble pursuits, as well as a high-purpose, world class education, while I was in grad school.

My life has seriously settled down, for all the right reasons. And it's not dependent on money or status or any of the really less important priorities in life.

It's because the priority that really matters most - living a life you're proud of - is just so solid for me, right now, completely independent of what I do and do not achieve in my life, at this point, though I anticipate achieving and creating quite a bit.

It's a good feeling. It's far better than achieving without as much genuine confidence in myself, independent of my achievements, a life that I have had and never felt as secure with because I lacked exactly the things that I have found and created in my life, today.

Today, I listened to February and thought about Brandi's and my friendship and relationship and realized that our falling apart, as lovers and then as friends, really is just unnecessary tragedy that I seem to be making peace with, these days. I made peace with so much today, out of my grappling with cynicism as a serious alternative for the first time in my life, this last week, and finding that I couldn't sustain it if I wanted to. I am forgiving and generally happy and realistic and accepting of the shortcomings of life, by nature and by habit, now, I think. And just as a matter of being honest with myself.

You see, Ben, you really have a wonderful life. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to throw it all away:).

In honor of lazy Sundays that I miss with my friend, Brandi (as well as with her family) and one of my best friends', Carson's, awesome taste in SNL digital shorts, and in honor of all those people - Melissa, Devang, Angela, Bond, Jenny, Scotty-Joe, Andy, Gwethalyn, Honey, Shawn, Dean, Todd, Kevin, Rachel and Jeff, and all the folks at EMU, Rachel, Jaz, Dolly, Blick, Dave, and the gang, Tommy Patrick, Brian White, Mike Keith, Kevin Keplar, Kate, Mike Coupland, Jenny Thunda, Raimi, Francis, Carlos, and all of the friends who I have loved most spending lazy Sundays like this one with - I have to repost from Carson's Content Done Better Blog what I think is one of the best of the youtube videos I have come across, thusfar (If you haven't caught Andy Samberg's and Justin Timberlake's Dick in a Box and Kelli's Shoes, I highly recommend them), "Lazy Sunday" from Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell.

Enjoy:).

Love,
Ben