Freedom and love

By the way.

It's completely clear to me, at this point, that all of my success, all of my learning, all of my commitment, all of my drive is due to two things in my life:

The amount of freedom I have and that I'm able to generate in my life.

And the amount of love that I have and that I'm able to generate in my life.

No ifs, ands or buts.

Freedom and love. Those are the essences of all things good, and thoughtful, and decent in this world. Period.

Love,
Ben

Fire in the belly

After a PTA meeting, tonight, about how 8th grade students can pass our new 8th grade math benchmarks and the enthusiasm that parents were catching about the need to have them reach high, it is beginning to occur to me what it is that I have that is so different from most people (and most teachers) I meet:

Fire in the belly.

I am one driven s'um bitch.

I used to see it in the grimaces that people got when I opened my mouth or when I had something idealistic to say.

Now I see it as they are starting to soften up and and let go of their defenses and resistance.

I have been dealing with defenses. And the last 2 weeks or so, I've been watching people let them go.

And now I understand what is different about my commitment.

I heard it as I was talking, today, about getting kids to success.

I am one driven s'um bitch. I got fire in the belly in a serious fuckin' way. There is no holding me back. And the more people soften up and the less defensive they are, the more driven I get. And the more driven I get, the more they soften up and get excited, again, about achieving big things.

Maslow has a famous quotation about why it is that babies start out so loving and cheerful and then the same people end up on subways 20, 30, 40 years later, beaten down.

The answer, I think, is that we make life too tough for people to succeed. And that life is just really fuckin' tough until we figure out how to make it easier.

And that what people need to catch fire in the belly, to get wrapped up in that enthusiasm, to maintain their idealism, to uncover their passion for life:

Is too care that fuckin' much about making it happen.

And I care that fuckin' much about making it happen.

I got fire in the belly, in a serious way. And it's not for this election cycle. And it's not for money. And it's not for recognition, because even that I could do without. It's not for anything tangible (though there are always implicit promises of all of these things in my future).

My fire comes from the fact that I really do care that fuckin' much about making it happen.

And it is fire that I have maintained far longer than most people. And fire that I will maintain far longer than most people.

Because I really fuckin' care that fuckin' much.

That kind of fire comes from caring. And from being cared about. And, consequently, from caring.

It is a passion that burns bright when we love what we are here to do in life more than we love anything else.

And I am here to make this world as stellar a fuckin' place to live by the time that I am done as I possibly fuckin' can, in my all too short a lifetime.

Life is a lot of FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition). And the only way to love it despite all of the FUBAR is to care about making it right more than anything fuckin' else in the world.

And I got that fire in my belly.

And that is how we are going to get that much closer to a world of genuine peace and decency and humanity by the time I am spent all my time here and pass that torch on to someone else. Because we care that much. And, hopefully, I can inspire a few kids and adults and friends and family members to care that much too.

I have two kids on my debate team that are getting ready to win some tournaments and who are getting the fire.

And that's where it starts.

When people care enough to get it done.

Love,
Ben

Knowing your own shit stinks

I have lesson plans and grading to do.

But I wanted to write for a moment on the nature of humility.

As a young adult, I've come to learn that humility is a quality that you don't come by abstractly. People who have humility for real get it by screwing up, by being arrogant and having to face themselves and their limitations.

Humility is not some notch in the belt of perfection. That's called pride. It's the opposite of humility, actually.

Real humility and real virtue and decency, from that, comes from knowing that your shit stinks. Because you've fucked up and you've faced up.

The older I get, the more important I realize it is to spend as much time as possible with this kind of decency and real humility. The older I get, the more I realize it's probably more important than other virtues, if for no other reason that it means dealing with someone who knows their own and others' limitations and their more prone to accept you for yours' as much as always trying to improve you.

That's probably the reason why I am closer with the my dad's family than with the my mom's family, as much as I am becoming closer with my mom's family, lately.

You just have people in your life that you can trust more that when when your shit is stinking that they will love you for it and despite it and not hold it against you.

And generally, the people with this kind of real humility and virtue come by it because they know their own shit stinks. And so they're not trying to prove to you and everyone else just how righteous and virtuous they are all the time.

Fucking up, paradoxically and counterintuitively, I think, can actually make us better people, I think. It means exploring our limits and figuring out our weaknesses and limitations as a human being. And it leads us to accept better the weaknesses and limitations of others, as well.

And I want to spend the bulk of my life with people who know their shit stinks. And more importantly I want to spend my life with a woman who knows her shit stinks and doesn't have to constantly prove to me or to herself otherwise.

Love,
Ben