Feeling better

I'm feeling better this morning. I've been really upset all week about being muscled by administrators around working with my kids.

The long term trends are clearly working in my direction. But I have decided one thing. People who muscle me get exactly the credit they deserve in my work, and muscling me gets no credit whatsoever.

The upshot of doing this work, I decided this morning, is that it is my one serious shot to have a life where people do the one thing I've wanted them to do since I was in college and probably high school: to leave me the fuck alone. The one most important thing I've wanted from a coach, teacher, advisor since I was in college was to leave me alone, unless you had something to teach nicely, and to let me learn the lessons I've needed to learn on my own and without you being such a pain in my ass.

And doing something big gives me that opportunity. I'm thinking twice about going back for my Ph.D., now, for that exact reason. We'll see what opportunities there are to do the big learning without people always muscling me and being a pain in my ass.

But, for now, folks are starting to figure out that, muscle me or not, you can't control me. Or anyone for that matter. And that's exactly as it should be. Because, for better or for worse, we all must determine and be responsible for our own lives and our own efforts.

Love,
Ben