Sarah Lunde, David Onstott, and trying to explain the unexplainable...and prevent the preventable...

Sarah Lunde is the 13-year-old Florida girl who was strangled to death allegedly by convicted rapist, David Onstott, a former boyfriend of her mother, Kelly May Lunde...

Sex Offender Charged in Florida Girl's Death

I just want to say that if David did this terrible thing...he's a disgusting bastard for having done so...and whomever did this thing is a disgusting bastard for having done so...

This is such a tragic story of a girl who looks to have worked very hard to transcend a very difficult and troubled childhood through relationships with/in a local Apostolic church...

And whose too brief life was cut short by someone likely terribly callous to be able to kill a 13-year-old girl...

This is a terrible tragedy that deserves all of our sympathy and concern...

As Vickie Chachere, the Associated Press writer who filed the story described:

"Among the mourners were Mark Lunsford, whose daughter Jessica was found dead last month after she was kidnapped from their Citrus County home, and Roy Brown, whose daughter Amanda was murdered in 1997 by a convicted child molester in Tampa."

Lunsford gave his take on Sarah's murder:

"It's sad that it takes something like this to bring a community together," Lunsford said. "America needs to wake up. The next child could be yours."

I feel nothing but compassion for young people like Sarah and Jessica and Amanda, and their fathers and family, like Kelly and Roy and Mark...

And these kinds of crimes, of course, must be prevented, as much as possible...

But I do think America is quite awake around issues concerning violence and abuse against children...

I think the much deeper problem is in finding more effective and sensitive ways of dealing with the problem and all of the myriad of difficult complications in doing so...

I'm concerned that too many people, right now, are convinced that hurting sex offenders and murderers and other violent peoplem, more, rather than being committed to them taking responsibility for their crimes and seeking forgiveness for what they've done -- with some expectation that they will receive forgiveness, at least from those of us committed, responsible, and, thus, willing to do so...

...rather than expecting that doing the same thing we've been doing for almost 2000 years, really (perhaps with less inhumanity and vengeance than we have in the past) will, somehow, yield a different result...

The definition of insanity, as the saying goes, is doing the same thing over and over again:):):)...and expecting a different result:):):)...

And this is no different for this very difficult situation than it is for any other...

In fact, as Reverend Desmond Tutu argues, persuasively, I think, it is MORE IMPORTANT to forgive and to develop and effective process of truth and reconciliation the MORE SERIOUS the crime...

Tutu argues this case when dealing with the most serious crimes known to humanity...crimes of genocide...or mass murder...generally of one ethnic or religious group against another...

Tutu argues that a process of truth and reconciliation -- similar to the process developed by people like Desmond Tutu in South Africa following the terrible crimes of apartheid -- should be developed for the most serious crimes against humanity, in lieu or in conjuction with an international criminal court...

Clearly...some process of forgiveness is needed to help us transcend so many of our very terrible tragedies that have left peoples' -- between larger societies...between peoples and governments...between individuals...individuals like David Onstott and Kelly May Lunde -- with anger and bitterness and pain in their hearts...often lost in darkness...searching for light...

And, given how central the principle of love and compassion and forgiveness -- authentic love and compassion and forgiveness...in contrast to Nancy Reagan's otherwise wonderful bit of advice...we cannot ONLY fake it until we make it...we also have to make it:):):):):):):) -- we might begin to explore alternatives to simply more incarceration or harsher punishment -- which are CLEARLY NOT WORKING, if this case could be evidence to us of anything -- to prevent such terrible tragedies in the future...

To do so will be difficult and challenging...and very painful...for people like Kelly Mae Lunde...and Mark Lundsford...and Roy Brown...

But as the New York Central Park mugging and rape victim, Trisha Meili, demonstrates in her book, "I am the Central Park Jogger: a Story of Hope and Possibility"...it is not only possible...it is preferable...for both the victims and the perpetrators...

Trisha Meili's I am the Central Park Jogger: a Story of Hope and Possibility

As Trisha's story demonstrates...forgiving pain that others have caused us is better for US...not just for those who have hurt us...

And authentically forgiving is a very difficult and painful process of dealing with and experiencing and letting go of our pain more openly and honestly and authentically -- meaning FOR REAL...not just so that we look or fake ourselves out into thinking that we've forgiven when we haven't:):):)...

And to do so is a really critical part of both the healing process...and of growing and deepening and opening and learning and developing and relating as human beings:):):)...

As Wayne Muller, a really wonderful author I encountered while in undergrad writes:):):)...painful situations in our lives are often opportunities for growth that can have advantages that we never imagined if we take up the painful and difficult work of forgiveness and developing genuine compassion and understanding for those who have hurt us -- as well as feeling our authentic feelings of anger and hurt and fear and, sometimes, a desire for revenge...

As Robert Kennedy tells black audience members in his impromptu eulogy for Martin Luther King:

"For those of you who are black and are tempted to be filled with hatred and distrust at the injustice of such an act, against all white people, I can only say that I feel in my own heart the same kind of feeling. I had a member of my family killed, but he was killed by a white man. But we have to make an effort in the United States, we have to make an effort to understand, to go beyond these rather difficult times.

My favorite poet was Aeschylus. He wrote: 'In our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.'

What we need in the United States is not division; what we need in the United States is not hatred; what we need in the United States is not violence or lawlessness; but love and wisdom, and compassion toward one another, and a feeling of justice toward those who still suffer within our country, whether they be white or they be black.

So I shall ask you tonight to return home, to say a prayer for the family of Martin Luther King, that's true, but more importantly to say a prayer for our own country, which all of us love--a prayer for understanding and that compassion of which I spoke.

We can do well in this country. We will have difficult times; we've had difficult times in the past; we will have difficult times in the future. It is not the end of violence; it is not the end of lawlessness; it is not the end of disorder.

But the vast majority of white people and the vast majority of black people in this country want to live together, want to improve the quality of our life, and want justice for all human beings who abide in our land.

Let us dedicate ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world."

I can't say it better than Bobby...Let us dedicate ourselves to tame the savageness of man...and make gentle the life of this earth...

Thanks Bobby...thanks Desmond...thanks Trisha:):):)...thanks Wayne:):):)...

And thanks to everyone whose ever taught me to forgive and love authentically in my life:):):):):):)...

Love,
Ben