In love with life:):):):):):):)...

...that's the feeling I have right now:):):)...

And the funny thing is:):):)...noone really in my life, at this point, that I have those kinds of feelings for:):):)...not quite like that, at least:):):)...

I'm just in love with life, I think:):):)...with all its roller coaster and strong and not-so-strong feelings:):):)...I really love it:):):)...

Last night...at work:):)...I was REALLY TIRED:):):)...I'd gotten like 4 or 5 hours of sleep the day before:):):)...

The night before we had a moment of drama when a member of my new crew, Z, and me, got into an argument when my lead and Z (to be honest...though I let Z off the hook, later on:):):) were pressuring me to load doors faster when I was working tier...meaning working on the various levels of the truck where we load the garage doors:):):)...

We had to talk with our supervisor over the whole affair:):):)...

So today...partly because I was tired:):):)...and partly because of the drama the night before (which was resolved like 10 minutes after it begun:):):)...Z and I are pretty good friends, really:):):)...and hang out, some, outside of work:):):)...

Last night:):)...I decided to play it really chill and avoid any really seriously controversial conversations:):):)...

Z and Zach, the other guy on my crew, for instance:):):)...had this conversation about how gross, in Z's case, and obnoxious, in Zach's case, that each thought public displays of affection by homosexuals was:):):)...

Now...I have strong feelings on this subject, to be honest:):):) (as I have on just about every subject as anyone who's ever known me for like 5 minutes can attest:):):):):)...

I not only LOVE public displays of affection and giving affection publicly by heterosexuals and as a heterosexual:):):) (and could live no other way, really:):):)...

But I think it's REALLY GREAT, really, when I see gays and lesbians -- especially when they are my friends:):):):):) -- engaged in public displays of affection:):):):):)...

I LOVE that I live in Lawrence, Kansas:):):)...a liberal university town:):):):)...where I see more open homosexual couples than I have ever seen, except, perhaps, San Fransisco's Castro district:):):):):)...or Washington D.C.'s Dupont Circle:):):)...

And where they can kiss and hug and hold hands and engage in all kinds of open displays of affection that gays and lesbians often do not feel as comfortable engaging in in my hometown of Wichita, Kansas:):):):):):)...

But I didn't say anything, last night:):):)...

At first I wondered if I should feel guilty that I didn't speak up for my gay brothers and sisters:):):):):):)...

And then I thought how silly that is since it is many of my gay brothers and sisters who would DIE to see me engaged in a night of non-political conversation:):):):):):):)...

It was all pretty funny:):):)...

Plus...I'm no longer on the crew with Kevin and Josh, two of my best friends at Amarr:):):)...where some kind of purposeful conversation was always in the air, at some point:):):)...if only to get us from one, "Do you know how gay you are?" joke to another in our peculiar hybrid vein of sensitive university boy/tough warehouse guy humor:):):):):):):)...

So...

This morning:):):)...when I got home:):):):)...

I hadn't been talking purposeful or political all night:):):)...

And though it was ok:):):)...

It also felt kind of empty:):):)...with all the headaches and heartache that purposeful and political conversation brings:):):)...its absence, while fine:):):)...is just kind of...well...boring:):):):):):)...and empty:):):):):):)...

It may have just been the dark overcast and the morning drizzle:):):):):):)...

But it didn't feel nearly as involved as the more purposeful life that I've chosen feels:):):):):):)...

Reaffirming for me:):):):):):):)...

That, though many people have not chosen a life like this one with me:):):):):):)...

That this is the only life for me:):):):):)...

And...

With all its headaches and heartaches:):):):):):):)...

I LOVE THIS LIFE:):):):):):):):):):)...

I LOVE the opportunity I have to live it in 21st Century America...and as a part of the free and democratic world:):):):):):)...

A fact of life that I WILL NEVER TAKE FOR GRANTED:):):):):):):):):)...FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE:):):):):):):):):):):)...

Thanks, America:):):):):):):):):)...for giving me the opportunity to live a life more free and democratic than I would likely be afforded anywhere else on earth:):):):):):):):):):):)...

I'm going to get some sleep:):):):):):):):):)...

I hope everyone has an OUTSTANDING DAY:):):):):):):):):)...

Love,
Ben