Mental exhaustion...

I have been suffering from some kind of mental and emotional exhaustion the last day or so...

Serious mental and emotional exhaustion...like I'm having a hard time functioning mental and emotional exhaustion...

Just so many impossible expectations from people lately...at work...among friends...

People taking no constructive responsibility...or very little...and persistently expecting the moon and beyond from me...

It's just kind of worn me down...

Last night...I kept telling Melissa...I just can't go on...I can't go on being bullied by people and overwhelmed by stress...it's too much...

I feel better this morning...

But goddamn if I don't give a flying shit for the priorities of anyone pressuring me, right now...

If you are...you will be promptly ignored as soon as I can possibly manage...

Bullying people is no way to be responsible for any situation...

In fact...I am learning the stark contrast...

That bullying is the lazy person's alternative to thinking...

That brute force is the way to avoid reasonsing...

And there is no way that any of us can keep trying to function like that...

And now I realize that people don't do this for some well-developed reason, at all...

They do it because they haven't really thought about it or being seriously responsible for anything at all...other than as some kind of fantasy abstraction...

And the more they do it...the more they'll get the same consequences...

It is literally insanity...doing the same stupid, bullying thing over and over again...and getting the same stupid results...

As I was telling Melissa last night (who was being a really amazing listener as I was feeling totally overwhelmed with stress last night)...

Most people, I'm learning, are kind of mean, stupid, assholes...and stubbornly so...

And it's not charming...

It's annoying...and it gets in the way of those who are trying to be more authentically responsible for life...

And it's become something of a serious burden for me in the last day or so...

And my ability to cope with it has just been seriously depleted...

So I'm trying to rest...

And most people, really...just need to learn to grow up...to start taking responsibility...for their lives...and how their choices affect others...more thought and concern for others...and less bullying and stupidity...

Because I'm getting tired of absorbing the bullshit...and I'm sure everyone else is as well...

And for those who choose to deny that there's a problem with bullying our way through difficult issues...

I'd suggest that you're part of the problem too...

And I'd suggest that we all learn to treat other like we'd want to be treated...and stop treating one another like servants that we are entitled to use up until they just can't take any more...

Noone deserves to be treated like that...

Not President Bush...not me...not my friends or family or co-workers...not our supervisor, Ben...or our department lead, John...or my friend and the department lead on second shift, Kenny...or anyone...

And the problem is not that there are a few of us treating each other that way...

It's that most of us are treating each other that way...

And it's a dumb route...it slows everything down...it achieves little...and it treats everyone like shit...

And it's stubborn and foolish to maintain it no matter how much it makes it harder for us to be and work together...

I'm going to relax for a little bit...and try to recover, some, from all the bullshit that I've dealt with in the last week or so...

Love,
Ben