The most tragic mistake that humanity makes...

I've got plenty to think about at work:):)...

Yesterday morning...the topic was cynicism...

The saddest thing about cynicism...which is the most serious mistake that humanity makes, I think...and one that keeps us locked in so many self-fulfilling prophecies it is hard to count...

Is that it's this very sad mistake in judgment...

Cynicism is not realism...

Cynicism is a romantic idea of the world...a fantasy...of a world where everything turns out as planned...where life goes exactly as we want it to...where we never get hurt...and noone close to us gets hurt...and there is no serious pain for any of us to deal with...

A fantasy that must inevitably confront reality...

That life is full of disappointment...and unfairness...and heartbreak:):):)...

And when we encounter that disappointment and unfairness and heartbreak...

We have two fundamental choices...

Hold onto the fantasy...

Or give it up...and come to terms with the reality...

And the fantasy of humanity that trips us all up...is a fantasy of people...sometime, somewhere...in the past...in the future...in the present...

Who don't make serious mistakes...who live perfect lives...

Which does not exist...never has existed...and never will exist...

The best that humanity and our lives have to offer...is a life where we screw up...so that we can learn from our mistakes...and internalize the lessons...

And a life where we will be hurt...guaranteed...no way out of that one...

And where we forgive the hurt that people have done against us...and that we've done to others...because it is the best way to guarantee a safer, more decent, more loving world...

That's it...

That's the best that our humanity has to offer:):)...

Because we often learn lessons...by screwing them up, generally...

I'd like a world where people don't make serious mistakes...if it's possible, I'd like to see us get there...though not at the expense of holding everyone to an impossible standard...given the real limits of being a human being...

And if we doubt whether cynicism serves us or not...we should look at the places in the world where cynicism about people is strongest...where people are the least forgiving...

Traditional and much more repressive and often much more violent cultures like Palestine...Cuba...North Korea...Syria...Zimbabwe...

And genocidal cultures...like Bosnia...Rwanda...Sudan...and Cambodia...

The real question is not whether we want to find a place somewhere between these deeply cynical cultures and ourselves...but whether we want to move in the direction of more cynicism and all of the terrible consequences in our lives that come with it or not...

Desmond Tutu has written most persuasively for me on this issue...

As Desmond says...when even the most horrific crimes occur...genocide and mass murder being the most horrific I can imagine...

If those who are persecuted cannot forgive those who have persecuted them...it generally leads to another round of killing or oppression...making it all the more important to focus efforts on truth and reconciliation...on forgiveness...lest the cycle be repeated...which it too often is...throughout history and today...

Too many people just have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that bad things happen...that they are a permanent feature of our humanity...that although we would like to believe that we can live perfect lives...that that perfection does not exist...and that forgiveness of ourselves or others is the only way to come to terms with that reality...rather than persistently fighting it...with a romantic cynicism that if our fantasy that the world can be perfect can't exist...then humanity must be damned...

Rather than coming to terms with the better conclusion...that humanity can do better...even if it is not and cannot be perfect...

It is the most serious mistake that humanity makes, I think...

The mistake of cynicism...

The belief that carrying the disappointment from our romantic fantasy of perfection will somehow protect us from future disappointments...that it will somehow guard us against future disappointments...like a voodoo doll...or a charm necklace...that constantly reminds us of a world full of disappointment...and tries to ward it off...with all its power...

Desmond is right...

There is no way out of the most serious disappointments we face in life but through forgiveness...whether that be as simple as the disappointment of a love gone sour...or as serious as genocide...

It all involves letting go...of the disappointment...that has no voodoo powers to ward off future disappointment...no matter how many times we recite incantations in its name...

That's why the greatest people in humanity's history...people like Jesus Christ...the Buddha...Martin Luther King...Mohatma Ghandi...and Desmond Tutu...

Have all taught forgiveness...and love...at the center of their teachings...

Because they are the center of human existence...of human progress...of our capacity for renewal...and forward movement...

Tutu speaks from experience...it was his leadership and the leadership of Nelson Mandela -- a man who was imprisoned for 27 years for challenging a government that had systematically oppressed himself and others like him -- around matters of forgiveness that has allowed South Africa move through its terribly painful legacy of systematic apartheid...

And it is the only legacy that offers us any hope...for anything...nevertheless humanity...

Why do we make this mistake so persistently, I wonder?...this cynicism?...

It doesn't help...it doesn't make all the bad things go away in life...to the contrary...it has much to do with why so many of them stay with us...

So why do we make this mistake so persistently?...

I think it's because...hope can be painful...because it requires that we come to terms with the pain and disappointment that we've faced in the past and in the present...forgiveness takes effort...and that effort can be very painful in the moment...

But nothing compared to the pain accumulated by holding onto disappointment...

That never effectively guards against anything...and to the contrary, often brings many terrible consequences into our lives that we never imagined...

All of us have to live with bad things happening in our lives...

But only some of us...and then only some of the time...have genuine freedom in this world...

Genuine freedom only comes with love...and forgiveness...and compassion...and decency...

Everything else is one, long, persistent illusion...this romantic fantasy...that somehow we were cheated of the perfect life...that someone, somewhere is living...or that someone, somewhere has lived...or will live...

And that we got left with the scraps...

The great thing about my experiences in the world, thusfar:):)...is discovering that everyone has pain and disappointment and scraps in their lives:):)...no matter how pretty or ugly the window-dressing for all that pain and disappointment:):)...

And our emotional guards...are just window-dressing...for all that pain and disappointment...

Guards...that keep nothing out...

Except for love...and compassion...decency...forgiveness...

Freedom...

Freedom from fear...

Courage to live...

Freedom from our lower natures...

And the courage to be great:):):)...

To be big people...to be strong...to be authentically good...

And to come to terms with the fact...that being good, for real...does not involve perfection...and never has...

It involves forgiving ourselves...and others...for our failures...for the disappointments...for our humanity:):)...

Thanks, Desmond...for your courage to share the deepest wisdom...about the serious pain that humanity experiences...

And for the hope...that humanity can move past its most serious and tragic mistake...about itself:)...

Have a great weekend, everyone:):):)...

Love,
Ben