A job I can love...

I have definitely found my calling...

Do you how much...after you've dealt with enough of the worst that the world has to offer...

How satisfying it is to work with children?...who...no matter what they're behavior...generally seem like such angels compared to their adult counterparts...

Do you realize how great it is to know that work you do, today...could help a kid create a future for themselves that they may never have imagined for themselves in quite the same way before you met them?...

To inspire kids to believe in themselves...and to help them and challenge them to take responsibility for themselves in ways that give them the skills to match that belief with a tangible reality?...

Do you realize just how satisfying it is to know that you are changing what can too often seem like a pretty fucked up world, much of the time...just by being a decent human being to some kid or some class of kids?...

Do you realize how much idealism pays...in all the ways that really count in the world?...

And how much all the smaller ways I've ever had in my life of looking at the world (of which there have been many) begin to look so foolish and shortsighted, in retrospect?...

I wish Brandi was able to share this with me...we both worked so hard to have this kind of impact on kids' and peoples' lives...I hope she's enjoying her fair share of this feeling in her own more private life, right now...she deserves to...her work was critical in shaping me and helping me to be able to see the world like I do, today, and to make this kind of impact that I see, each day, with these kids...and Greg, too...who also deserves this feeling...given how much he's supported Brandi and has his own convictions, in this regard...even as both of them have put up with my bullshit, in the meantime...

But...for right now...this is something I share with people I love...and with myself...and with whomever I might meet along the way...

There's a girl I'm interested in...I've never met her...I don't even know if she's available, actually...she just impressed me the first and last time I saw her...and I haven't had that feeling in quite some time, really...she's not a teacher...though I love the teachers I work with:)...I'm just not convinced that any of them could top Ms. Fisher...which is about the only way that I'm going to find real love, I'm pretty convinced at this point...

But this girl has a decent shot...she's an actress...and I imagine other things in her daily and professional life...and she's pretty impressive, really...she'll probably turn out to be married:)...the good ones are always snapped up:):)...but it's worth a shot:):)...

And she's seems ambitious...as well as like a really decent human being:)...which is important to me:):)...because I need someone who will challenge me to grow and be a better person and to be better than I imagine for myself, even now...

It's been a long time since I've felt that feeling with a woman...in that way that you know that you're destined to be with one another...even if it's just for the short time that she believes that...

I haven't felt the idealism I feel right now since I was in school, myself...I've missed it something terrible...and I am pleased as punch to get it back, again...

I will spend the rest of my life...with every breath I breathe...with every ounce of energy I have to offer...to do good by this world...to make it a better place to live...whether people understand what or how I do what I do or not...

While I promise with as much honest sincerity that I have to offer that I will be engaging in falsifiability tests of my ideas as rigorously and as aggressively as possible (since, if I'm wrong, more aggression and not less is needed in life:):)...

While I am totally genuine in my desire to make the strongest case against my ideas that I can muster...which is an on-going project...that I am working on with free time I'm able to piece together...

While I promise to do this...

I have to say...that...at least in my daily life...

I'm pretty convinced that I'm onto something really big, right now...it just feels right...intuitively...and falls together, right...intellectually...

In two days...I've just got this inkling...that I'm going to realize this dream...this sometimes seeming impossible dream...to contribute understandings and efforts to the world that could very well significantly improve the way the world relates and treats one another and deals with its most terrible problems and tragedies...at least in the social and political and psychological and economic and educational and criminological and diplomatic and military worlds...I think these ideas are that far-reaching (though notice I've done nothing for cancer or AIDS or to build the longer lasting light-bulb in my lifetime...Captain Miller would be so disappointed:):)...

And I'm so proud I could cry:):)LOL:):)...

I wish so badly I could find another young, mature idealist to share this all with...but I've got to find someone who can top Ms. Fisher...and I just can't find her, yet...

She's out there, somewhere...I know it...it's just finding her...

But...in the meantime...I know that I am satisfied with knowing that I am making a pretty impressive start, I think, as a young teacher...

And I have a lifetime of this to look forward to:):):)...

Have a great weekend, everyone:):)...it may get cold and snowy:):)...dress warm:):)...

Love,
Ben