What I learned over Christmas vacation...

I hung out with friends and family a lot, this Christmas...we talked a lot...I picked peoples' brains for ways to make my class more interesting...to make school a better experience for kids...

The consistent answer from friends and family was making it one where kids and students get to choose what goes on, more...reading books that interest them, and not just classic literature...activities that they like/want to do, and not just teacher directed activities...and this was from my school-smart friends and family as much as from my friends and family that struggled with school, more...

I love/d school, I would explain to friends and family...except for that last 6 months or so in grad school when my advisor got more interested in the grant money and his own schedule for me than with my education...the first two reasons having nothing at all with why I was in grad school, in the first place...which he just kind of took for granted too much, by the end...I made plenty of my own mistakes, as well...

But even though I love school and education and all the values that it seeks to impart much more than any of my friends and most people, generally...and I think I understand more than most educated folks how most people don't share these interests...and how this has everything to do with why more and less educated folks see the world so differently...

I also know what it's like to have people take my cooperation in that process for granted, so wrapped up are they in their own priorities...that they forget to ask me about mine...

And my commitment, as a teacher, is to change that relationship between teachers and students...at least between me and my students...and set the standard for everyone else...

And my friends and family gave me a lot of great feedback on that this Christmas vacation...

It's so funny...but for some strange reason...reading about Robert Kaplan writing of all the "virtues" of American empire...and all the people in the world that such an arrogant, conceited view of the world and power takes for granted...

It just has kind of chilled me out, quite a bit..

Both because I won't be bullied...by Robert Kaplan via whatever political leaders that he might encourage with such a short-sighted, nasty little worldview...

But also because it begins to help me come to terms with my limitations in changing the process...which just kind of chills me out...and helps me accept, better, that good ideas, like bad ideas, get picked up, experimented with, and thrown aside once it becomes clearer to the folks engaging them that they aren't as useful...or maintained and elaborated once it becomes clearer that they are more useful...

And all ideas work like that...for me...for everyone...

My advisor was someone who thought a lot...without having a lot of great ideas...lots of people are like that...I don't really know, really, if that's better than not thinking a lot...because I have to say that there are a million people I've encountered in my life who are far less pains in the ass and who have been far more helpful to me in developing good and better ideas than my very clever by half advisor...

All those folks back in Wichita come to mind, for me, right now...and so many folks, here in Lawrence and in Kansas City...Brandi and Melissa and a million friends come to mind around that one...

It's so sad to me to think that so much of the world gets fucked up because folks get disillusioned with school...and doing good...because of so much pressure to do more than they are prepared to do...or understand to do...or are ready to do...

And then just kind of grow to resent school and education as some kind of imposition...or useless afterthought in their lives...

All because they get pushed to hard, too fast...

Me too...but I've dealt with it better than most folks, I think...

I think my own graduate school advisor was kind of an ass, much of the time that I dealt with him...though he could be a good guy, too, when we wasn't being such a goddamned bully...and most people I encountered had issues with their advisors...I just felt like I was in a better position to walk away, frankly...I had the same issue with my undergrad and my master's advisor, truth be known...I've not had a very good experience with advisors, generally...something about having people push me around, all the time, that I'm a little put off by...I'm sure it's not just me...it's an open secret that students hate advisors and professors and teachers who act this way...it's just that, for some reason, the general attitude is that students should just learn to deal with what jackasses their teachers and advisors and professors are...which is the reality much of the time...though I bailed when it became clearer to me that my advisor had little more to offer than a degree...which was not the reason I was in grad school...I was there for an education...something that I think my advisor and many professors had lost track of being the most important priority in a university, a long time ago...totally straight-up on that one...I can't tell you how many times I heard from professors, "Just finish the degree up"...and I kept thinking, "If the only thing that this whole experience is worth is a degree, what the fuck is it worth, you fuckin' cynical bastards?...you really think professors got it all figured out?...is that how knowledge gets developed, you dumbasses?...by just gettin' the degree?"...goddamn fools...

And my friends and family helped remind me of that, this weekend...as they told me about how they'd like to have their own priorities and interests taken more seriously when they were in school...some very smart and decent folks gave me that feedback as much as folks who struggled with school, more...

So it's advice I'll take more seriously...

I wonder, sometimes...why professors and teachers and all kinds of folks in schools...can't see more clearly how much of the world gets fucked up because of our failures in schools...

How someone like Robert Kaplan and the soldiers he interviews carry around chips on their shoulders about their school experiences...because of their shitty school experiences...which is no excuse for their arrogance...it just seeks to understand it a little better...

And I'm just tired of that cycle...I want to change it...to make a start on getting everyone on the same page, better...that the learning matters...but so do the people who are doing the learning...

Problem is...

Noone seems to take those two priorities as seriously as they need to be taken...so wrapped up are most folks in short term and less important priorities...

And stubborn ass me...I just won't choose between thsoe priorities...improving the learning environment for everyone...raising the standards for everyone...and creating more space for everyone to have their say...to study around their interests, more...to have fun in school and with their education as much as they take it seriously...

And most of all...

To care about it all...

To know just how important...learning...and the people engaged in it...are...

All of them...all of it...

And that's something that Robert Kaplan is just wrong about...it's not something that can be worked through with brute force...

It's something that takes more light than heat...

Many and most problems in the world are ones that take more light than heat, most of the time...though there are always times when we need heat and deal with the heat of the situation to deal effectively with the challenges in front of us...

And Robert writes so often about heat...because he lacks enough light to shine on the situations he encounters...

Most people do this, I'm learning...they talk about and use more heat...the less light they have to shine on a situation...

And I just didn't get into teaching...or policy...or any of the things I care about in life...

To keep making this stupid mistake over and over again...just because everyone else does...someone's got to face the mistake and cut it out...and it might as well be me...

Have you ever heard Clint Black's (and Skip Ewing's...who co-wrote it) Something That We Do?...if you haven't...you should download it...or go check it out at Borders...or buy the CD...it's beautiful...I'm planning on singing it to my wife at my wedding...along with several other love songs I've got stuck away in my repertoire...

I'm tired of life with too much heat and not enough light...politics with too much heat and not enough light...schools with too much heat and not enough light...wars with too much heat and not enough light...a criminal justice system with too much heat and not enough light...

Too much heat...not enough light...

If there is any one most serious problem in the world...

This is the one...

And its the one that stands in the way of resolving all the others...

Kind of ironic, don't you think?...that so many people turn to heat...to help them to resolve their problems...

And yet it is the one most important obstacle to resolving them...

But...

There's only way to find that out, for sure...

To keep making the same stupid mistakes until you get it figured out for yourself:):):)...

Me, too:):)...

I realized this weekend that everyone wants to stop making the same stupid mistakes...they just don't know how, often...and most folks are kind of stubborn about giving up the bullshit...

But if interacting with my Grandma Sutherland has taught me anything...it's that everyone can and is, ultimately, willing to learn, some of the time, at least...and when you're lucky...more of the time...

It just takes time:):)...

Me included:):)...

Most people fuck up before they see the fuck up...some people think about the fuck up to prevent it in the future...others stubbornly keep fucking up without enough thought...

But all of us can learn to think more about our fuck ups...with the right support...for ourselves and for others...to think about them better...and how to prevent them in the future...

And we all need a lot more patience with ourselves and with each other...as we do the learning...

Did I mention that I love Dar Williams?...I do...I love her...I'm listening to her really beautiful, "O Canada Girls," right now...if Dar Williams was single and in my area, I'd ask her out in a fuckin' heartbeat...she is just so goddamned sweet...

Sleep tight, everyone:):)...

Love,
Ben