Exhausted...

It's the last week of school...and maybe the most exhausting weeks in my entire life...the kids have been out of control (though they've been better today)...I'm tired and sore and out of patience, right now...

And I'm wondering why I do any of this work, today...

Why do I take a stand of conscience and out of just being more seriously thoughtful for the use of the least possible necessary force or least possible necessary aggression around a whole host of issues that is so unpopular in so many circles?...

Why do I work on behalf of kids and parents who are perpetually ungrateful and take the opportunity of education so for granted the way they do?...

Why do I set myself up to be thought of as "soft," which is code for "unmanly" or "not tough enough," neither of which is there any satisfaction for and neither of which are genuine concerns about anything except how people are perceived...

When I think about it, the biggest reason is because the idea that arguments would be won by intimidation and muscle rather than by a genuine concern for truth and better ideas is just repugnant to me...and should be to everyone...except many if not most people would rather get their way, often, than subject their opinions to a more genuinely open-ended discussion and debate about whether they are good or the best ideas or not...

And because that way of engaging arguments and ideas just seems cowardly to me...and I just can't stand for cowardice...no matter how tired and worn out I might be...

I can hardly believe, really, that such cowardice gets confused so readily with more genuine courage...

But then Melissa and I rented Lord of the Flies, last night...
And I was reminded of just how easily people are fooled into believing that tough equals good...

And I just look over the course of history...to see all the places...where force justified by the need to be tough rationalized all of the worst attrocities of the 20th century, alone, if not the history of humanity...

And I think...someone has got to have a conscience amidst that kind of rationalizing...

But right now I just want some sleep...and for this first year to be over with as soon as possible:):)...

Have a great week, everyone:):)...

Love,
Ben