The last time I experienced real beauty...

Now playing: Diana Krall...I Get Along Without You Very Well...

I'm listening to Diana Krall, this morning, as I work on some papers/cleaning/errands and it all of a sudden occurred to me why I feel so nostalgic for my time with Brandi, especially our summer in D.C., even though in most substantial ways my life has gotten better since that time...

It's because, today, I have more freedom, more maturity and wisdom, better relationships with people, generally, a more substantial future in front of me -- personally, professionally, financially, and otherwise -- and a far stronger handle on life, generally...

But the one thing that I have less of in my life is what Diana's music is fully imbued with: beauty...

If you've really been in love, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about and what Diana is singing about...

It never ceases to amaze me how many people never take that kind of love seriously and, consequently, never experience one of lifes purest joys...

And it is that kind of sweet, soft joy that is the essence of Diana's music...

And I've only really experienced that particular kind of joy one time in my life...

I experienced it some during my time with Jenny and with other girls that I've dated...

But I've never quite felt it as fully as I did with Brandi...

That feeling of un-self-consciously living in the glow of someone else's life...being dedicated to someone else's joy as much as to your own...loving someone completely...for their faults more than despite them...where a smile or a laugh hangs more in the memory than a place or an activity, because it's that smile or that laugh that you live for...

It's so funny...so many of the things that Brandi and I used to hate about our relationship -- we fought endlessly in private, in public, and without shame, sadly and comically:):) -- are often the very things that I remember fondly, today...not because I want to fight, obviously...but because Brandi was the only other person I had met in my life who was like me in this respect...she fought openly, got angry openly, and was otherwise unashamed of her feelings, even as she worked to be as loving and respectful and decent to others as possible...

I don't think I've ever had that particular kind of relationship with anyone else, other than family...even close friends...

Brandi was just like family, I suppose...Brandi was family...

Which made the connection all the closer...and my nostalgia for it all the stronger...

I've learned in my short time here on this planet that our experience is life is often determined by the people we spend it with...

People like Diana Krall and Harry Connick Jr...

...and Brandi Fisher...make that time a very special one...

They make it an experience of beauty that really can't be found in a book or a class or a movie or a story...

Thank you, Fisher, for giving me that experience...

Love,
Ben