On being strong-armed...

The post previous -- The consequences of too much pressure and too little thought and engagement on middle school math -- is all about how teachers being strong-armed on something that really matters to me is undermining the goal that it says that it is promoting...namely, not leaving children behind in school, and in life...

But the other consequence of all the strong-arming, right now, is that it is robbing me of the enthusiasm and energy and concern that I generally have for so many issues in my work and life...

And I have just decided -- I decided 4 years ago, really, when I left school -- that I am not going to live my life that way...

Meaning, over time, as much as possible, I will ignore strong-arming and avoid people who do it with me, as much as possible...

I just can't take it any more...I'm at my wits end with it and I would just rather quit teaching or quit policy or quit whatever than I would go on trying to appease people who would perpetually bully me around things that I already have a much stronger passion for than most people do...

I used to feel guilty about that, but I don't anymore...if the consequence of people's bullying is that they lose someone who is as dedicated and committed as I am to their cause, then so be it, is my thinking, today...you reap what you sow...

I am no longer a liberal, because I'm tired of being strong-armed by liberals...I quit grad school because I was tired of being strong-armed in grad school...I will quit teaching and writing if and as long as I am finally tired of being strong-armed in those arenas, as well (though teaching and writing are the most promising avenues for ending the strong-arming, as well, so I will probably still do both of these activities, in some capacity)...

But I will not be strong-armed into perpetuity...

If anyone does it with me long enough, I will eventually leave...everyone is welcome in my life...but I may take a hiatus from places where people can't get the message that their bullying is not welcome in my presence...

I have many times...I will, as many times as I need to, in the future...

As long as there are opportunities for freedom, I just can't live my life being a slave to someone else because they have decided that they should be able to control my efforts...and I don't care who that person or who those persons might be...I am noone's slave or servant...

I act and think freely or I will find somewhere I can...

I have never imagined myself a slave easily cowered by even the most vicious slaveowner...I will now and always aspire to be Frederick Douglas, risking everything, including recapture in Douglas' case, or death in the case of far too many slaves, to be free...

I take my freedom seriously...and if others don't who deal with me, then they will deal with whatever choices I make around our relationship...

I think I just figured out why so many adults look so weathered by time...it's not just grief, although that is certainly part of it, I'm sure...

It's living with the perpetual disappointment that their dreams of freedom as a kid are confronted with the reality of a world that is constantly twisting their arm and compelling their submission...

And I, for one, have just decided that I can't live as someone else's slave my whole life...I will be free, whethers others approve of that decision or not...

Love,
Ben