Dumb and arrogant

You know, an alternative to all of this writing I've done has occurred to me.

Maybe I'm just kind of dumb and arrogant.

All kinds of good reason for me to think so. I have been kind of stupid financially. I've been kind of arrogant in my youth, no matter which way you cut it. I don't seem to have any of the aspirations for money or power or prestige that other ambitious folks have. I'm constantly talking like I know more than I really do and then I learn something different the next day that changes the way I look at things. I can't seem to hold down a job. I'm constantly getting in trouble. I've been in trouble with the law more than I would like to admit. For someone who is politically-minded, I'm more open about my life than most people would find tolerable or that most political people would find safe. I'm a teacher, which no sane person would choose to be, and I'm a special ed teacher, to boot, which means that I spend most of my days with kids who don't particularly like school, much of the time, or, if they do, they aren't as interested in intellectual pursuits as I am. I'm a stupid fuckin' martyr is what I am.

So maybe I'm just kind of dumb and arrogant and not honest enough with myself about that. Plenty of good reason to think so. Better to acknowledge it, for me and for my kids, than to pretend otherwise.

I'll be thinking about that.

I entertain all alternatives. Or at least I pride myself that way. Maybe I'm just a hick and a dumbass with too much education. I could easily name a dozen people who would agree.

Maybe I've just been too arrogant to admit it.

One thing everyone agrees on: I talk too goddamn much.

Love,
Ben