Doing something with my life

Much of the problem with the world, I'm convinced, is that most people are so lost in their own bullshit - their rationalizations for why they want whatever they want whenever they want it, right now - that they have a really hard time understanding the consequences that follow. I've been guilty of that plenty in my life. But I also tend to take responsibility better than most people, is the truth. And I get tired of dealing with people who won't or don't, much of the time, because it's just too challenging for them to face up and face themselves.

I need a life where I deal with more people who take responsibility more often.

And for some strange reason, I chose two fields - education and politics - where taking responsibility is the exception much more than the rule.

And I think I'm insane if I do that for a lifetime when I have so many other choices that don't involve staying lost in the bullshit, so much. I'll still teach my two years of my scholarship. I'll still write my book, probably. But I'm preparing myself for something else, long term, I think.

Because I'm just not willing to live my life lost in someone else's bullshit into eternity because they are just too chickenshit to face themselves and the choices they make.

I am not willing to work, my entire life, in fields where victims are the rule and grown-ups are the exception.

But, for now, I can do some good, while I get started on something that at least does more good for me, if everyone else isn't really terribly interested in doing something better with their lives.

That used to be academia. But I have to say, that, for the first time in my life, I'm not so sold on the nobility of academia. Not because it's not noble. I think it is. But because it's completely clear to me that universities, like everywhere else in the world, are places where bullshit overwhelm honesty far too much. And if honesty is not something I can count on in academia - as much as I can count on it more, there, generally, than other places in the world - then there really is no fuckin' point to that route.

And so the door of life is completely wide open to whatever I think would make me happiest, for me, at this point.

Because I have done my part. I have done my duty to lift up humanity. I will write at least one book to add to that contribution.

But I need something for me, too, and not just a life trying to make everyone else feel good when everyone else are not necessarily committed to such a fate.

If people want to be unhappy, I say so be it. If people want to be bitter, cynical, self-righteous, or any of the rest, I say, so be it. If you want to be happy or achieve something with your life, go fuckin' do it and stop whining about it.

Me. I think I've done my bit for humanity. I think it's time for me to do something for myself and not just be thinking about everyone else, all the time. God knows a lot of people could give two shits about me, or anyone else besides themselves, for that matter.

I'm tired of thinking so much about everyone else when everyone else is not really thinking much about me, most of the time.

I'm tired of trying to help others find a route to happiness and success that they just don't really think they can bring themselves to get their minds or hearts around.

The one thing I have complete control over is me being happy and successful.

And that is something I plan on doing with my life, with or without anyone's help.