I think I see the problem

I'd like to see a world where we don't treat each other like such shit.

That's what Maslow and most psychologists mean when they talk about reducing aggression, dealing with control issues, stronger communication, deeper connection, etc.

The goal, obviously, everywhere, should be that we're treating each other better. And talking more honestly. And being more decent to one another.

Most people want the ability to treat others however the fuck they want to. Especially people they don't like or don't identify with or have demonized. And most people are always bottoming out their expectations for their lives, for how they get treated, and for how they treat others.

And every time I want to raise those expectations, I've got to deal with someone, somewhere, trying to find the problem with me having too high of expectations rather than being honest about those low expectations of themselves and of others.

And I have no interest in making people or trying to manipulate people into expecting more for themselves and from others. If we don't want to do that, if we want to settle for the shitty ways that we treat one another, today, and how we get treated, today, I say so be it. Leave me out of it. But so be it. You go on being treated like shit and treating others like shit, as long as you don't fuck with me.

I want better than that. My vision is of a world where people don't treat each other like such shit. And where they honestly clean it up when they do.

But I'm just not convinced, anymore, that that is the life that people want.

And so maybe I need to move on to a life where I just look out for myself, more, and stop concerning myself so much with other people and their needs. I'm a good guy, so it's not like I'm going to start treating people like shit. It's just that I can take all these good guy qualities and translate them into some effort that makes me more money or gets me more things that I want and not have to spend my entire fucking life trying to convince other people that they have more in them than they want to believe that they do or that we can expect more of ourselves and of one another than most people seem interested in or willing to do.

If people want to have a world where most people are kind of dumb, where they treat each other like shit and pretend like that is the best we can do, and where we keep pretending that none of this matters anyway, then there's not much I can do about that unless people want to change that. If people want to settle for being treated like shit - like so many of the teachers at my school seem willing to settle for - then far be it from me to convince them different, I suppose. It's a pain in my fuckin' ass, is what it is. And it certainly doesn't pay the way many more lucrative fields might pay.

And I'm fuckin' tired, is the truth, of trying to convince people, all the time, that they can and that it's worth their time being thoughtful, being more decent, being more honest, being better than they are today.

If people don't want to be those things, which they generally don't really seem to want to be, then so fuckin' be it, I say. We could develop more constructive, more rational, more decent, and more intelligent policies for how to handle such situations. But why the fuck would I waste my life trying to convince people of such things if the truth is they really just don't want to be better people? I have no clue.

So I'm thinking, I teach out my scholarship, I write my book, I put it all out there, and then I go do something, like Warren Buffet, where I just be the example of how virtue pays and if you don't want a piece of that action, then so fuckin' be it.

I'm tired of being the world's bitch. I wanted to contribute. I made my effort. My efforts in that domain, I am completely convinced, will never be good enough. Because the truth is that everyone is just rationalizing why they don't want to be better. That's why you had all those discussions about Martin Luther King and Malcolm X. Everyone knows that King was the better man. People just didn't want to be held to that standard. Malcolm looked like lower hanging fruit. He was easier for people to identify with because he was about as shitty as they were. His tactics were shitty, and counterproductive. He was always in King's fuckin' way. So many radicals long after King's death still trying to take credit for King's work and use Malcolm as a foil in that effort.

All because they just don't have the courage to admit to themselves that King was the better man. He wasn't perfect. He was wrong about a lot. Everyone is. But he was the better man. Better than all of them. And he did the really heavy lifting on that movement. And Malcolm X was an angry black man who figured out late in life that maybe King was right.

Why do I still engage in these debates? I don't know why.

I need to do something in my life that is not dependent on the validation of others. Something that rewards me because I do the right things and not because someone else says so.

I'm tired of people being so stupid and shitty. But just about as tired of trying to persuade people to stop being both, as well.

I need a shower. I got a lot of work to do. And thinking to do about my life.