Suspense, and all that

You know what would really impress me with the President and this whole oil spill, right now?

Obama fried in oil

If he came on televison, leaned against the lecturn, and said something along these lines:

"Howdy folks. My fellow Americans. And all the rest of you scoundrels out there, too.

I don't know if you've heard about this situation we got with oil and the Gulf of Mexico, and all that, right now. But it's a God awful mess, as you may have heard. And I reckoned I might come by and share a few thoughts with you folks about what's happening and what folks are doin' about it.

There's, essentially, two groups of people, right now, you understand, working on cleaning up this mess. BP. Which has really been fixin' on pluggin' this hole pretty much non-stop, since it bust. And me and my people. Who are doin' everything we can to help the folks doin' the fixin'.

Everybody else, for the most part, is engaged in a whole other activity all-together.

It's called bitchin'. You may have heard of it.

Most of these folks are bitchin' about something for which they have about zero plans to actually doing anything that might resemble heavy lifting. But constantly moanin' about how slow the muscle-bound folks are heavin' up the bar.

It's gotten a bit ridiculous, these days, is the truth. On most things. Not just this mess. Because not only are these good, decent Americans not really helping matters. They're kinda in the way, is the truth. Because they're just makin' it that much harder for folks actually doin' the work to concentrate on doing their job. And they could use all the mental energy they could get their hands on, these days, as you can imagine.

So my suggestion for folks is this:

Chill the fuck out. Go watch some Karate Kid.

Let folks doing the heavy lifting do the job. If you have some decent, solid suggestions for things that might do some actual good, send 'em our way. They might come in handy. But, if not. Maybe think about takin' a chill pill and either get out of the way. Or get used to being ignored. Either one will do just fine. But getting out of the way or actually doin' some tangible good, might work better for everyone involved. Including you. And all those delicious gulf shrimpies everyone's concerned about. And anyone who might actually give a hoot about getting things turned around.

Thanks for your attention, folks. And make sure not to kill the suspense and go tellin' me if that kid wins or not, this time around. I'll check it out at the drive-in soon 'nuf. Though I'm pretty sure the kid pulls it out in the end."

But that would be far too sensible for these times, obviously.

So, in lieu of something more sensible, I'm gonna follow some World Cup and hope it all doesn't come crashin' down in the end. The world, that is. I never know how this thing ends. Suspense is killin' me.