Sometimes...I wish I could just be like everyone else...

Sometimes...

I wish I was just like everyone else...

Meaning...not different in a way that so consistently gets me in trouble...

That always gets me noticed...

And not always for the better...

My boss just came down with a "no politics/no religion" rule...

And every time this happens...I think...

What are people so afraid of?...

Why do people always insist on shutting me and everyone else up?...

What real good does it do for them?...or anyone?...

Do they realize how much it hurts for me to have to stop talking about stuff that really matters in life?...do they realize how much it hurts all of us?...how much it leads to some really awful politics?...how much it dumbs all of us down?...how much it makes us all so much more subject to propaganda and deception and manipulation and control?...How much it robs all of us of so many opportunities to resolve difficult issues in our lives as grown-ups, together, face-to-face or blog-to-blog...whatever...rather than behind each others' backs in activist circles and in the legislature and at the courthouse?...

How my whole life is centered around it?...

The sacrifices I've made for that kind of life?...

All so noone has to hear ideas that they don't like?...

How central talking and working on these things is to my life?...how central talking and working on issues that help others is central to my life?...

How important it is to all of our potential?...

What's wrong with our too tiny little hearts that we would have to shut down those of us who might offer us a way out of the dark cave of ignorance and fear and cowardice?...

I don't want to drag people from the cave, as Plato described...

Just to show people some light...

So they can see the shadows...

And see what illusions they've satisfied themselves on up to this point in their lives...

Isn't that what intellect and openness and freedom and education are supposed to offer us?...

All of us?...

I think I've finally been stripped of almost literally everything that matters to me in my life...

Perhaps the cynics at work and among my friends and among my family and at school and in web forums and in all the various places I meet are right...

Maybe we can strong-arm the conscience into submission...

And dare those of conscience to defy a more powerful and punishing will...

Maybe...my life has been a waste...and everything I live it around has been a waste too...

And maybe it just doesn't really matter to anyone enough to really bother...

Except me, I suppose...

And on days like today...

I wonder why I care so much about it...why I would give so much for it...even if I'm never rewarded for it...

What makes me such a sucker of conscience, I sometimes wonder?...

Mine is not the worst fate that has ever been suffered, I always tell myself in moments like this...

Jesus was crucified...Socrates committed suicide to avoid being executed...Ghandi was killed...King was assassinated...

And by those lights...my fate, like everyone's fate, isn't so bad...

But the truth is that it is so bad...

The conscience and thought and expression need oxygen and openness to breathe...

And we all suffocate when it doesn't have that oxygen...

All of us...

When our more cowardly instincts overwhelm our more decent...and courageous...

When the darkness swallows up the enlightenment...

When force snuffs out freedom...

It takes with it the oxygen of life...

There is the classic debate in liberal circles about which is more important...conscience?...or material welfare?...

And now I understand the tradeoff being asked about in that debate so much more...

And what a terrible choice it forces upon people...

And how it impoverishes all of us as a consequence...

And all because our fears overwhelm our courage...

"I could wile away the hours...
Conferring with the flowers...
consulting with the rain...

And my head, I'd be scratching...
While my thoughts were busy hatching...
If I only had a brain...

I'd unravel every riddle...
For any indi-viddle...
In trouble or in pain...

With the thoughts I'd be thinkin'
I could be another Lincoln...
If I only had a brain...

Oh...I could tell you why...
The ocean's near the shore...
I could think of things I've never thunk before...
And then I'd sit and think some more...

I would not be just a nothin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain...

I would dance and be merry...
Life would be a ding-a-derry...
If I only had a brain...

Oh...I could tell you why...
The ocean's near the shore...
I could think of things I've never thunk before...
And then I'd sit and think some more...

I would not be just a nothin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain...

Perhaps I'd deserve you...
And be even worthy erve you...
If I only had a brain...

This world is in so much pain...and I just keep getting hurt along with it...

There's got to be a better way...

What would I do if I were going to die tomorrow and I could have just one wish?...

Be in love, comes to mind:):):):):):):)...

And live this life...this one I'm living...

I love this life:):):)...and all the pain that comes with it:):):):):):):):):)...

Have a thoughtful day, everyone:):):):):):)...

Love,
Ben