Now I understand...

I now understand just how my dad and my teachers must have felt all those years of my growing up...

Being totally taken for granted...while I whined and moaned...and generally felt entitled to whatever ideal treatment that my heart desired in the moment...with very little recognition of how hard it was for them to try to be good enough...when I was always being such a shit...though...to be fair...my dad, at least, had a steep learning curve on learning not to be such a shit, himself...and dealing with the world, as is, even with all its glaring flaws...

In particular...I realize, now, just how hard it must have been for my professors...dealing with the same...and me, as well...dealing with the behavior of my advisor, at least...but all of us, doing our best...and me taking it all for granted...not realizing just how much better some peoples' best is than other peoples...

My best is pretty goddamn good, if I can say so myself...

But goddamn if some people will never be happy until they have determined your every move before you've even made it...so easy is it to play spectator with others' lives...when you feel no real responsibility for what it must be like to be them...

That's most people, I'm learning...

My apologies to Michael Brown for the poor behavior of my fellow Americans...

And my appreciation to the American people for doing their best...even when their best is so goddamned shitty, sometimes...to folks like Michael Brown...and everyone else that they feel like they can demand results from...that they would never be able to deliver themselves...not that they give much of a shit about that or anyone else other than themselves, much of the time...

And my general one finger salute to everyone for whom my best is not enough...

Love,
Ben

P.S. Brandi...the post I was referring to in my email is Reflections on Rich and Poor...two posts down:):)...