Having a moment...

I was having a moment, tonight...at a point in my life when I feel more settled than I've ever felt before in my life...I'm at a point in my life when I feel like I understand my parents and my teachers and older folks in my life better than I ever have...I'm just feeling like I'm growing up, I suppose...

I was having a moment, tonight, where I was really missing old friends...friends from school and from forensics, in particular...close friends...my best friends...

It's funny how I spent 4 years studying my Ph.D. in special education policy (and a Master's in adaptive special ed) and another year before that studying for my Master's in gifted education...all of which I abandoned when I left grad school...

And how a lot of my closest friends in the world I made while I was in undergrad...

Brandi was the closest friend I ever had...we met the year after I finished forensics...

But all of my other closest friends -- other than Melissa, my ex-girlfriend, Jenny, who I'm still relatively close with, my best friend in high school, Angela, and my best friend before that, Mike Coupland -- have been from that time I spent competing with the Wichita State University forensics team...

Bond Benton...Carson Brackney...Scott Wells...Brian White...Mike...Kate Cady...Tommy Patrick...Rachel Miller then Jorgenson now Asbury...Jeremy Pankratz...Jim Harrell...Skippy Flynn...Zach...Travis...Jessica...Kevin Keplar...

Jas Abramowitz -- who I met during that same time since we competed at sister schools -- and Dolly and Dave and Blick and the rest of the gang and I were close...we had a falling out...and I haven't known how to approach it without feeling like I'm gonna suckered again by the whole thing...

It's crazy, isn't it?...it feels kind of lame...

But I just haven't made friends as closely as I did during that time (though I just started at my job, and that could change over time)...

My friend Kenny and I were fairly close while I worked at Amarr...as with my friends Josh and Kevin and Deway...my friend Jesse and I got close while he and his girlfriend, Melissa, lived here at 6th and Michigan:)...I made many friends in the jobs I worked...Brent McCall, who I need to get back in touch with...our mutual friend Matt, who I see when I head down to Liberty, the independent movie store here in Lawrence (Brent and Matt are aspiring directors:)...and Jenny Thunder, who I dated, and Raimi, who was my roommate for awhile...my friend Bill, from the Honors Department at Wichita State, and I were good friends...

And of course I can't forget the EMU Theater folks, here in Lawrence, who I have a very similar bond with...that we do theater for fun and to put on a great show...but we're mostly just there for one another...Andy and Rachel and Jeff and Honey and Joel and Julie and Gwetholyn and Claven and Dean and Melissa, of course:)...and everyone at EMU:):)...

But there's something about competing with the same group of folks for years together...hanging out together in motel rooms and student unions and van rides and such...without the threat of being fired or cast aside or otherwise being ostracized (not seriously, anyway) hanging over your head...that just brings people together, I suppose...

I made plenty of friends when I was in grad school...but it was a really intense, hypercompetitive environment, much of the time...there was a genuine sense of community, as well...a really strong sense of community, at times...

But it just wasn't quite the same thing, I don't think, as hanging out with a bunch of people with whom you don't have to impress...you don't have to be politically correct (that is for damned sure when I think about that common bond for our team:):):)...you don't even have to win or be successful to feel that togetherness...

You just have to be together...a lot...and be working for common goals...

And tonight I just found myself missing them...

I guess because anytime I ever catch up with any of them I am totally reminded of how strong a bond we shared with one another...more out of just being together than out of working together, I think, after doing grad school with more work-oriented relationships and as I work with people where the threat of losing your job is always looming over people...

I think other than Brandi it is the closest that I've ever felt with other people in my life, outside of my family, of course...

And I'm just missing them, right now, I think...

And that feeling that I belonged to something just because...no proving myself necessary...

We need more of that in the world...a lot more of it...

And I am reminded of a time in my life when I felt it...and it was something special...

Hope everyone has a great week...

Love,
Ben