Having those conversations...

I don't why...

But...my good news, today...

It's opened me up, some...

I celebrated with my friend and neighbor, Jesse...we got tacos...and some great cheap Dutch beer called Bavaria...

And we got a little tipsy:)...

And for some reason...

The good news opened me up...

I guess because it symbolized...for me, at least...the hope of reconciliation with my teachers...and my advisor...and mentor...Tom Skrtic...

I actually never imagined it differently when I was in grad school...

But things didn't turn out the way that I wanted...

And I had kind of given up hope, a little...

I guess today's news gave me some hope...

And...for whatever reasons...

It's had me facing death, more...facing it's imminence...knowing that it can/will happen between today and 30 years from now...or if I'm lucky...50 years from now...or...if I'm really lucky...70 years from now...but that's about as lucky as I expect I might be:):)...

And thinking, then...

That there are some conversations with people that I need to have with people before then...that my relationships with some people will never quite be complete if I don't have those conversations...

With some people...that's more limited...they aren't interested in having the conversations with me...

With others...I just need to have the conversations...and stop putting them off...knowing that I really could die tomorrow...and they'll never know how much I love them...how sorry I am about anything I've done wrong in my relationship and life shared with them...and how much I care about them...and want the best for them in their lives...

I just think people need to know how much we love them, you know?...even if the conversations might be, at times, uncomfortable...

I'm not the easiest person to approach about these issues, either, I realize...I get kind of embarrassed when people tell me that they love me...or that they're proud of me...I imagine it makes it harder for people to have the conversations with me...I just don't want them to think that I've done anything to win their love...or their approval...that I try to do things just to do the right thing...to do a good thing...a mitzvah...to do good...

But I imagine that's got to be off-putting for some folks...

And I imagine that a lot of my friends would really benefit from hearing me tell them in person how much I love them...and care about them...and support them...and want the best for them...

I just don't want them to be embarrassed, I guess...or to think me a puss for loving them so much...

If you didn't love Forrest Gump the first time, and you haven't given it a second chance...you really should...I did...I love this movie now...

It's a simple story about how a decent heart can weather any storm...how it is love...and not intelligence...or cleverness...or appearance...or wealth...or anything else, really...

Just decency...and an open heart...

Which make the world a decent place...

I hope everyone is safe...and well loved...

Have a good night, everyone...

Love,
Ben