A second snow day, today...the roads are pretty icy and snowy, so I'll be home, today, doing plenty of school-work...and cleaning house...and blogging...
Dovetailing the last two entries...and with my dissapointment with how often adults confuse control of children with promoting responsibility...which are not only two distinct things...but the one, controlling young people, often, especially in teen years, hampers responsibility rather than promoting it...meaning it is counterproductive to the important goal of promoting responsibility...
I wanted to spend a little time talking about how the legacy of control has hurt peoples' growth and development...and why people in free countries and who learn and grow in more free conditions are more responsible, generally...
The problem in more traditional and modern societies which use more control and individuals and institutions in those societies that use more control is that control gets rationalized for its own sake, even when it clearly is not promoting responsible behavior...
From the perspective of more tribal and traditional Iraqi communities...killing a girl accused of rape is the way to send the message to other girls that pre-marital and extra-marital sex will not be tolerated...seems like pretty fucked up reasoning to me...but I've heard pretty fucked up reasoning in the U.S. to explain similarly bad ideas on preventing pre-marital and extra-marital sex in the modern societies who reason that, "Well, at least we're not as bad as such-and-such society"...a pretty lame and low bar if you ask me...
And all of which obscures the legitimate issue of wanting to promote responsible sexual behavior...which is clearly not promoted in traditional societies who ignore the clearly irresponsible crime of rape (if the sex described involves a lack of consent) and rationalize the killing of a girl who is raped...or even, obviously, a girl who has pre-marital sex...
But much of the reason why folks in the United States and in the democratic world, generally...at least the Anglo and European democratic world...see this issue so differently than the members of the traditional communities who allow for "honor killings" is because we have a very different and much more functional idea of responsibility...which is premised on individual responsibility...and which can only be supported with freedom, rather than with control...
Societies that rationalize "honor killings" have layers and layers of control to prevent premarital sex...because they don't conceive of individual responsibility in the same way we do...responsibility doesn't entail freedom of individual choice, freedom of individual thought, and a more open discussion and debate about individual thoughts and choices in the same way that it does in more modern and democratic countries...
They believe, wrongly, that it is something they can control, and coerce, and make our baser human nature and mistakes of that same nature go away...which isn't possible...never has been...never will be...never has worked in the past...and why people stubbornly and perpetually think it will go away in their own generation is beyond me...except for romantic notions, that folks pretty consisently carry with them, that there really was a time, somewhere, somehow, when those mistakes were not made...or when that baser behavior did not take place...a romantic idea that is promoted by the denial and secrecy around such behavior that necessarily goes on the more closed a group, or community, or institution, or society is...
And giving people that freedom...which is necessary for their functioning...especially in Western societies that expect it, more...necessarily involves giving them the freedom to do things we disapprove of...and, sometimes...often...this is because we, ourselves, don't know how the debates and discussions about what is good and bad behavior are going to totally come out...and because we presume, rightly, that individuals have a better idea of their own self-interest than do others...and...because freedom does a much better job of promoting more genuinely responsible behavior than does control...by far...and all the indicators are in comparisons between societies, like Iraq, pre-or post-war that use more control, and societies, like the U.S., that use less control...
Which are all presumptions in a free and open society...because we are all more accustomed to that society and its presumptions than are folks in more traditional, closed, and controlling societies...
Which is what keeps them all so stuck in so many ways...
Responsibility...involves freedom...and learning...on the part of the individual...not control...
Control frustrates the learning of responsibility...because it doesn't allow for the open discussion and debate about what responsible behavior looks like...which helps promote responsibility and a better idea of what it looks like...
People do it, more, I think, the more stupid and foolish they are...and the less they like being challenged...which, at some level, is all of us...all of us...no exceptions on that one...but which challenge is just part of learning and life...especially in freer, more democratic, more modern societies...
Maybe, I wonder, sometimes, people who are more cynical about the use of power and control...maybe they just never experienced a more free and responsibility-promoting situation so they would know the difference...
But then I remember than many of my friends and family and others who believe in more control have generally gone to a public school or a public university where control is still too often used...but where it happens less than in likely any other insitution in American society, at least...
There are plenty of bad public schools, at least...and some bad public university experiences...where control is used, still, too much...
But why people come to the utterly stupid conclusion that the lack of control and the freedom in those insitutions is responsible for their own or others' failures in those institutions (a long excuse for their failures that misses the fundamental point...that they are responsible for their behavior and their lives) is beyond me...
But then...so many people use that excuse...that total failure in reasoning about their failures in school and in life...
To rationalize doing the same stupid, goddamn thing all over again with their own children...which just creates the same goddamn problem...
I see teachers make this mistake, too, some...but not nearly as much as less educated folks...
And in American and Western societies, at least...much of it does seem tied to whether people successfully learn the lesson that they are responsible for their lives and they make free choices with that responsibility...which is totally complicated by efforts to control people, which are constantly being argued against by those who do not want to seem them punished or hurt, which not only is painful for those individuals, often...and can often be a large and total waste of time...but which are, ironically, totally counterproductive to having people take responsibility for their behavior...
But we just keep doing it...again...and again...and again...
Meaning...we are irresponsible in our efforts in promoting responsibility...
And we will not be responsible for that failure...
Until we figure out...that it is our desire to control people that is what is counterproductive to our efforts to promote more responsible behavior...
And that a better idea of what more responsible behavior looks like...cannot even happen...outside of a free and open discussion and debate about what it might look like...with respect for peoples' choices, in the meantime...
I, frankly, don't know why people keep fucking this one up, generation after generation...
We know the right direction...generally...freedom...
But we just can't quite believe that it's the right direction...
Because we reason (poorly)..."Well, freedom is what allows for all those mistakes...so surely we don't want too much freedom"...
But freedom was not what allowed for all those mistakes...repression...which keeps a lid on open discussions of behavior...creates the ground for mistakes of human nature...mistakes of human nature have happened and continue to happen and will continue to happen long after all of us are dead, I'm sure...happen because of the lack of engaged, responsible discussion and learning about those mistakes...and once mistakes happen, learning can still take place...if people learn to treat them as mistakes...and work progressively toward more ideal relationships...
But...for whatever reasons...in large part because of the same repression, I think...both individually and as a community...people choose to stay stuck in their fears...and the control that comes with those fears...rather than to face them and to engage in the learning that comes with facing those fears...
And "honor killings" are just one consequence of that very long line of very poor reasoning...
It's all so goddamn stupid...and foolish...and tragic...that people just can't come to terms with the fact that people -- of all ages -- are going to do things that we and they disapprove of...give them the freedom to do so...and encourage them and discuss with them how to make better decisions...except when physical violence or force is literally involved...in which case force must be used to intervene...
And the relative degree of asshole in every culture...is based in large degree on how much or how little challenge one authentically can take and accept in one's life...
"Honor killings" reflect a culture and a community and family members who accept very little challenge, at all, to their thinking...
And there are all relative kinds and degrees of assholes from there...
And for whatever reasons...so many people...in the U.S...and in Europe...and all over the world...satisfy themselves with being less assholes than the folks who engage in things like "honor killings"...
Rather than trying to figure out what is involved with being a more thoughtful, decent person...
Why?...
Why do people...for whatever foolish reasons...see being an asshole...as some kind of legitimate alternative to being a more thoughtful, decent human being?...
I don't know...
But I watch it happen all the time...
People...especially people with less education...constantly rationalizing...why being an asshole is just a part of being an adult...or why it's the only way to survive...or why it's just the way things are...or a million fuckin' stupid rationalizations for why they're such pricks...
At some level...I think schools and universities and other places of learning...and places of employment...and other important institutions...legal, military, political, financial, and other institutions...fail people in this respect...
But...at some level...it cannot change...until people stop clamoring for more control...more punishment...which creates an environment that involves less discussion...less debate...less open airing of differences...and, as a consequence, less genuine and honest responsibility...
The only answer...is to do what is being done at places like Eisenhower...which is to raise the expectation for everyone...
And to make the discussions more free and open...by only engaging in force and control when it is absolutely needed, as much as possible...with limitations, of course, for what is possible, in the moment...not as an abstraction...but as a reality...
What gives me confidence that we'll get there...even during what I think are darker times for freedom, in so many ways...
Is that we just keep getting there...totally independent of and constructively promoted by the wishful thinking of freedom-loving peoples everywhere...
Least restrictive environment did not just come about as a principle -- that I'm learning, especially in the group homes for people with disabilities that I've worked in...and probably in special education classrooms, as well...I'm sure I have my own issues in my own classroom to look at...is not practiced as well in reality...
The principle of least restrictive environment did not just come about as a principle out of coincidence...and it certainly didn't come about because radicals in special education, like my advisor, twisted everyone's arms to make it so:):):)LOL:):):)...it came about because it became clearer, both, I think, the abuses involved with the use of force...and because of the opportunities that came with freer, more engaged, more responsible efforts to promote the learning and involvement of people with disabilities in everyday community life...and because a lot of very smart people studied and observed and debated and discussed the idea...and it just made more sense...
But it's clear to me, too...that everyone is subject to control issues that prevent this kind of engagement...including more free-thinking intellectuals and scholars...
I remember I had this conversation with a professor of mine in grad school...who was passing around a petition to ban some sort of gambling...and my professor was arguing that poor people should be prevented from gambling to prevent them from pissing all their money away...
And I'm thinking...
I've got a grandma in Wichita...and a whole truckload of family...that are not terribly rich, that's for sure...and have loved gambling, I would bet, as I have, from back in the days when they were poor...and I don't see what gives anyone the presumption that they know better how she or any of us or anyone should or shouldn't spend their own money...especially when gambling has been a really important part of my grandma's life...she's a known regular in Las Vegas, when she's able to go, these days...and since learning and playing bingo and poker and a whole load of card games are some of my favorite childhood memories with my grandma and the Sutherland family, generally...
And I've had plenty of experience with professors to know...that even though freedom of inquiry and engagement is the mainstay of the scholarly community...that it is a community with plenty of control freaks, just like any other group...not as much, at all, as in other places I've worked or spent time...but still lots of control issues operating in the often insane departmental and school politics of universities...
Which was the major issue I had -- and openly expressed -- with my advisor...which pissed him off quite a bit, as you can imagine...but which I just couldn't not talk about because it loomed so huge in our relationship...
Why can't we see that this is what fucks things up, so much of the time?...
Because we're afraid...because we have to be "right"...because we just couldn't imagine what life would be like if we weren't afraid or "right"...
Whether it's political correctness...or scholarly correctness...or legalism...or the random rules of a corporate environment or of whatever random jurisdiction we might live in or whatver...MLA...APA...standard punctuation...whatever...
Our desire for rules...and control...rather than the use and development of more sound judgment...and the open and free thought and engagement to promote that kind of judgment and responsibility...
Is just foolish...and a game that the more scared and petty and small-minded among us...keep imposing on everyone else...
And I am tired of seeing it rationalized...while those who favor more freedom to make important judgments about their lives...and who take free and open and engaged thought more seriously...quietly dissent...and openly dissent, when there is space for dissent...afraid that our dissent will be mischaracterized as endorsement of bad behavior or more irresponsible behavior...or as some kind of utopian notion that people will stop making bad choices with more freedom...though I do think that people will make better choices with more freedom...and argument that Abraham Maslow makes quite well, I think, is his work...especially in the Farther Reaches of Human Nature...
So...the important question for me...is whether we are going to continue to be drug down by the cynicism and self-fulfilling prophecy and vicious cycle of control and coercion and the imposition of will, when it interferes with individuals learning to make responsible choices in their lives...or whether we are going to finally, possibly, in this generation, hopefully, to learn our lesson...and to give it up...
Because...as far as I can tell...though most people do want to impose their will on others, in some capacity...
One thing that most people seem to agree on...is that might doesn't make right...that an imposition doesn't actually make one right...it just makes more powerful, in the moment...even though I've encountered many parents, bosses, teachers, and others who would like to make their imposed will mean the end of an argument or a challenge or a difference...
Generally...
People know...at some level, I think...that right is not decided by an imposition...that the discussion and the argument still goes on...
And it goes on...because imposition and control doesn't work...
It just takes the argument underground...under our breaths...under each others' radar screens...out of out sight and out of mind...
Why responsible people think it's better to have the differences aired -- either verbally or communicated or in actions that we disagree about -- out of sight and out of mind rather than with more open discussion and knowledge of what is being thought and done, I have no clue...
And I don't think most people who behave this way...including me...when and if I might behave this way in a classroom...know why either...I don't think they/we think much about it, at all, frankly...
Just as many of those who act more irresponsibly...which is all of us, at some level...often don't think through about why they do what they do, very well, either...
So much still to write about...that I'm just not sure that I've been clear enough, yet, about in my writing...
Why I care deeply about poverty and wealth equity, and still believe that voluntary efforts and low taxation (and if there is the possibility of a world where people voluntarily support government efforts, I think that would be best...though I agree...we have to walk carefully on that one) and community efforts are far better, more effective, and more likely to deal with serious issues of poverty and wealth equity in communities...
Why I think more decent and humane treatment of military personell, both within the military and in court-marshalling, would promote a healthier, more effective, stronger military force...
Why divorce and marriage counseling and other means of pursuing the idea of happiness and love in romantic and parental relationships is and has been good for children, including children of divorce...and how we might create stronger, more resilient, more freely-committing couples and families out of that legacy...
Why similar resiliency can be and is often derived out of economic dislocation that strengthens our ability to deal with issues in the workplace...and in our careers...
And, generally...how more genuine strength -- emotionally, intellectually, and otherwise -- is derived best with more freedom, rather than more control...
I'm reading several great books, right now...one of them is a conservative scholarly text called Posterity Lost, by Richard Gill, which was a text in a education history class I took with Dr. Ray Hiner when I was in grad school, which I recommend that folks check out...
I'm disagreeing with much of Gill's analysis, at this point...where Gill sees golden ages in history and tragedy in the contemporary American family...I see problems that have never really abetted, no matter the romanticizing of the past...and opportunity to strengthen the family...and many American families taking that opportunity seriously, no matter, I'm sure, the many well-intentioned and often well-founded doubts or concerns of folks like Gill...w
Where Gill takes for granted the freedom that has helped families face, more honestly, dysfunctionalities and issues that go unaddressed, I take that freedom and the opportunities to improve family relationships much more seriously...where that freedom shakes and challenge Gill's faith in the Idea of Progress, as he calls it (Gill argues that it is this freedom and the uncertainty that accompanies it that shakes our faith in the Idea of Progress...but I more suspect that it is Gill's faith in progress that is shaken, somewhat, by that freedom)...that same freedom substantially and seriously strengthens my faith in that same progress...
I share Gill's concerns...but I think the freedom expressed by families creates opportunities that may or may not be taken...but which create much more opportunity for such issues to be addressed within families...than ignoring them, altogether, as is the tendency without taking advantage of that freedom...
And see the most serious dysfunction...in families...and in the culture, generally...as our failure to embrace that freedom more fully...and to make more responsible choices as a consequence...
I've got stuff to do, with the rest of the day:):)...
I hope everyone is having a good day:)...and if you're in the Kansas/Missouri/snow-covered areas of the world...stay safe:):)...
Love,
Ben
