I think I just realized why I love Leslie Feist so
After an afternoon of Feist interview videos, I think I just realized why I love Leslie Feist so much.
It's not because she's drop dead gorgeous. Which she is. A million girls are drop dead gorgeous and they don't really turn my head in the same way. It's not that she's a brilliant and creative singer, which she most definitely is. And someone who I can respect both puts energies in her lyrics and makes them meaningful, while also just enjoying the music and creating it for its own sake, as well. It's not just that she's intelligent and clearly embraces that about herself and unpretensious about it. And it's not just that she's got this eerily and really touching and intimate sound about even her most catchy songs. It's not just that Leslie shares so much of herself in her music and her performances, and she does it all without any pretensions about her politics or her wisdom about life.
I love Dar Williams with a big old capital L. I love Dar's sounds and die for her lyrics. If you've not heard her, you're missing out.
And, in that respect, Dar is still perhaps my favorite singer, of note. Her lyrics are unstoppable. She's intelligent and touching and hits upon themes that thoughtful people can identify with.
But what's missing from Dar's music that, probably from Leslie's silence as much as anything she's shared that she really believes about the world, is present in Leslie's music is a quality that is much more fundamental than politics.
I love political music, contrary to the brainless trend among too many young people. I love music with the courage of its convictions. I love the Dixie Chicks' Home album, that got them in so much shit, and I love Toby Keith's American Soldier and most of his music, really. I love U2 in their headiest days - Rattle and Hum is their best album, as far as I'm concerned - and I love anyone who has something real to say and the courage to say it in a genre, pop music, and a generation that has become increasingly self-satisfied in its ignorance, its apathy, and its cowardice.
Dar is a liberal. Through and through. She's a soft-hearted radical. And I love her liberal politics even as I don't always share her views. I love her courage to share her thinking even when I don't always agree with her. And I love that it means that she brings an enormous amount of substance to her work that informs my life and warms my heart.
But what's missing from that mix and which U2 has tried to bring to their music in a way that has just lost some of the soul, I think, but I can appreciate as being more Leslie than Dar, at some level, is that more fundamental than being a liberal - I can only guess that if Leslie has strong political inclinations, which most thinking people do, that this is her orientation given what I've seen of her - Leslie's musical work and life is about having a little space in the world just for herself. Not for anyone else.
You get the feeling listening to Leslie's music and her interviews and seeing her live, in concert, that what gives her all that energy and capacity for intimacy in her music is that it is part of her life that, after the commercial contracts and the touring and the interviews and all of the business side of music, that there is very much alive and kicking in Leslie and something that she is intimately in touch much of the time, a relationship with her music where it is, fundamentally, not about anyone else. It's just about having something she loves for herself.
I work a job that I love, but which I signed up for when I was 17 years old. And for 17 years, I have not had much of a reasonable ability to do anything different until I complete my scholarship obligation (in about 2 years). I work in a field where I take both a commitment to kids who are easy to write off seriously, a sensitivity to people and their lives seriously, and a commitment to the liberal education that it is all centered around very seriously, especially the commitments around free development and freedom of conscience, thought, expression, and just making a life for yourself that isn't anyone else's to use for their purposes.
But, given the nature of my field, which is governed by both a special education law that frames and distorts and rules over the lives of so many children, and a No Child Left Behind Act that has, now, done the same for many other children not quite in the same boat, and all of the distortion and bullshit being centered around control and what amount of it parents and teachers and everyone feels like they have or don't have of it and to what lengths they will go to rationalize it even if it is not good for anyone - including themselves - and which contradicts the much more fundamental principle that every person's life is their own, that principle gets violated repeatedly.
And it's bad enough that it happens to kids, especially adolescents, who are trying desperately to create a life and an identity for themselves that is not necessarily tied to what their parents or their teachers or any of the authorities in their lives want for them. What's really, fundamentally, been offensive to me, especially in the last few years, is that the paternalism has extended to everyone. And in my field, in teaching, in the U.S., it has gotten particularly bad.
Our most fundamental efforts, which, to anyone who takes education seriously, should, by rights, by the very nature of what it entails, be an independent, freely considered and engaged experience, are now governed, in some of the most central ways, by our Federal Government, as well as many layers of local and state governance, for what reason I have no clue except that even liberally educated people do not seem to be able to get over the notion that each person's life, no matter how much they may want different for them, is their own. It is a fact of life that I am quite grateful that I was naive of when I was a kid and especially when I was in college. Because only with that kind of naivete could I possibly have taken my liberal education and the free development of my own conscience and judgment as seriously as I did and not be angry, every day, that someone was always trying to circumvent it, including many of the professors, writers, and researchers I looked up to, even as I was trying to develop it.
It is is our own life to make choices with, good and bad, and not needing the permission or even the guidance and certainly not the oversight of Congress or the President or the Supreme Court or anyone, really. Fundamentally. When we harm the lives or interests of our neighbors, things have to get resolved. When we threaten or harm others physically, people may need to intervene. None of those things, fundamentally, always must or should involve the government. But there might be a place. It's something open for debate, though I'm pretty clear that, as much as possible, government and authority figures should stay out of the way unless their presence is needed and, often, welcomed. But, generally and fundamentally, our lives are our own. And our failure to get that figured out for others as much as for ourselves is what fucks up 90% of public policy questions and many of our lives.
That, I think, underneath it all, is what bugs the shit out of me in the current and regressive political moment and the Hillary Clinton candidacy that represents that moment.
It is this arrogant presumption that as long as I have a good cause that can coerce, manipulate, pressure, or otherwise fuck with your life for my purposes, then your life is fair game for me to fuck with.
And it's is an enormous load of bullshit.
And what I love about watching Leslie Feist play and perform and interact with people is that it is clear that when she does so, her life, fundamentally, is her own. And she is clear about that. And her music is an expression of that in her life. And I really appreciate someone sharing that with the world so that I can share it with her, at some level, and maybe find some of that for my life.
I work in a field that I love with kids that I love with subject matter, social studies, that I love. But I do it under a scholarship obligation that I cannot reasonably blow off, at this point, in a field governed by a law - the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act - that seriously distorts the way we look at children and the way that they look at themselves - and another law - the No Child Left Behind Act - that seriously distorts the way that we look at schools and the way that they do their work.
And what drives me crazy about the whole goddamn thing is that we are so arrogant that we just cannot get straight that it is the fact that we are trying to control these areas of peoples' lives that, at its root, is what distorts and fucks with peoples' lives and creates and multiplies many of the problems that we say we want to resolve.
Many of my kids just want some kind of life for themselves. And are constantly being told by adults that they are not allowed to have one. Even though it is a healthy instinct on their part and the instinct by adults to control them is an unhealthy one, fundamentally. Many of my kids - and fundamentally, they are their own people as much if not more than the children of their parents, so I use "my kids" as a teacher way of saying I care about these kids - express that need for some kind of self-direction poorly and can be real jerks about it and about the way they treat teachers and their parents and other adults in their lives. But, fundamentally, the healthy instinct they have that we keep trying to beat out of them out of our own unhealthy attitudes towards life, is to have some kind of life that is their own and not anyone else's or for anyone else's purposes. Not even school. Not even learning. Not for anything. Just for themselves.
And that is what I love about Leslie Feist. She is such a healthy reflection of what that kind of life might look life, if people took it more seriously.
It is something I want for my life, even given the layers of control and manipulation and the governance and the many layers of how my life serves someone else's purposes, even when those purposes, as is often the case, are questionable. And it is something that I need, want, and will have for my life no matter what anyone else has to say about the matter.
It is something that everyone wants for their lives. But that political people never seem to be able to get straight, because they are such arrogant goddamn pricks so much of the time and have figured out that power means never having to ask someone if they want your purposes imposed on them or not. And it is an ugly and arrogant instinct in political people and all people that I have learned to grow very skeptical and weary of.
And when I watch Leslie Feist perform or talk about her music, I see what it is that I want for myself and that I think most people want, down deep, when their not rationlizing what manipulative pricks their always being to one another.
A life that is my own. A life that touches others' lives, that is responsible to others and their needs and purposes, as well. But a life, fundamentally, that is my own. That is directed by me. For my purposes.
That is a life that we all want. And, down deep, it is a need that we all have, even as we indulge our more manipulative imaginations.
And that, fundamentally, is what this godforesaken political period is about. And we will not be straight until we get straight about that and what the better direction is. There is no, "You do what the fuck I say and be happy about it" bullshit fantasy world out there that will finally resolve such matters. Either we learn to respect one another's autonomy and independence of thought, conscience, expression, and experience or we are in for many, many more periods of dysfunctional and conflict-filled confrontations with one another. And it will not end until we cut it the fuck out.
And that is what is going down, right now. If you're going to fight to control my life, be ready for a fuckin' fight, you piece of shit. Because I and the whole goddamn world is going to fight your cowardly, lame fuckin' ass until you finally give up that bullshit exercise.
In the meantime, I will likely listen to you, lucky for you. And I may end up taking seriously your purposes. I might not, if I think you're wrong. I might do so anyway if you pass it into law and its a worse hassle to fight it than to comply.
But I'll never wholeheartedly embrace and pursue those purposes until I'm convinced of them. Noone will. Get used to that.
And if you compel my will, be ready for me to drag my feet in giving a shit about those purposes. And, if you're particularly wrong, I very well might ignore your purposes even if codified in law, if there are purposes and matters of conscience more serious than your law. I can guarantee you I will ignore many laws in that same way. And I don't trust anyone who tells me they would do differently. They are the cowards that turned in fugitive slaves and Jews in Nazi Germany and other such folks.
I have no clue why such fuckin' cowards would think that they would ever earn my respect for their judgment or example. And that is often why such cowards many times want to compel my will, because they lack faith and confidence in their ability to appeal to my conscience because they lack real faith and confidence in their own ideas and thinking and purposes and conscience that they have not ever really taken seriously in their own lives. And that is the essence of cowardice, which is why I so often and freely call it out as so.
And, in the meantime, many people will not listen to you. And they will fight your purposes, even if they are good, solely because you tried to impose it upon them. Most people are like this, at some level. Though mature adults will only fight the things that really matter to them and merely quietly resist or give very little real energy to the things that you try to compel them to do. Ambitious people may try to take your purposes seriously. But, often, even not them.
I don't know what to tell people. Either you have a good idea and more people will take it seriously or you do not. And if noone likes your idea, you might take seriously that perhaps it is a bad one.
In the meantime, fundamentally, my life is my own. It is not yours. It is not now, nor will it ever be.
That's what bothers me about that Clinton campaign. Hillary Clinton has just not gotten this straight yet. Barack Obama understands it better, I think. Though I do think that someone ought to help out those Iraqis given that we started that whole goddamn mess. If I had my druthers, within reason, everyone who wanted to stand down and not take up that mission would be allowed to, and the only people who would go do it would be those who volunteered for it. But I don't have my druthers. And, in the meantime, people are getting killed and we have something to do with it.
Even though I opposed this goddamned war, up front. I'm just not lame and cowardly enough to say, "I know my fellow Americans supported this war in droves and now they just want to bail after they started this whole goddamned mess when things are getting hot, like the little bitches they are, so I guess you guys can fuck off." I just can't bring myself to say that with a straight face and pretend like I'm going to wake up the next morning and feel good about myself or about my country.
If people don't want to pitch in, I say let them. I'm still trying to get straight, myself, about how and when I might be able/willing to sign up for military service in a world that I am already frustrated with for not respecting my own priorities enough, but where I feel genuine responsibility to its purposes, these days, including to that war. But goddamn it if I am not going to sign up for one more goddamn thing where people have the fuckin' gaul to pretend that my life is not my own and is something for them to manipulate for their own purposes. I'm fuckin' tired of it. And military service is a whole load of it. So I gotta get myself prepared for that, mentally. And I just have to figure out logistics for how that might happen, assuming I'm still up for it.
In the meantime, I want a life like Leslie's. I want a life that is my own. Noone else's. I want a life that I direct and that is not constantly looking to someone else to give me permission to live it as I see fit. And I am tired of having to defend the right to live that kind of life.
Thanks, Leslie. For sharing a little bit of your life with me and with the world. And thanks for living a life that could give two shits about what I or anyone else thinks about it and is just for you and for noone else. Thanks for living that kind of life to remind me what it is about my own life I value, even with so many restrictions on it. Thanks for being some kind of true north for what a better, more independent life might look like. And how much genuine fun and creativity and more honest happiness is found in a life like that.
